Thursday, October 22, 2009

A poignant bit from the Post Secret project

I saw this by way of  a blog post from Meghan Tepner, and though the whole post is good, her repost of a picture from the Post Secret project really got me, as in it is truth for me too.



I'm afraid.
I have a lot of fear and rage inside.
It is so hard to grow through and past. But I am working on it. Ouch! It's very painful at times, because it means I must uncover wounds I did not even realize were there in order to heal them.
But I'm tired of hurting. I must have faith and intention that I cannot help but be happy and healed. I am afraid I won't be happy even if I am physically well, but now I acknowledge that is my ego trying to cling to its current identity of illness and pain. I am afraid because I'm not sure who I would be if I were to be fully, radiantly healthy. But I would still be me. Illness does not define me. Neither does my job, my house, my friendships, my hobbies, my favorite foods. I will be free of the ego and it's clawing control of my life, my food choices, my emotions, habits, and fears. I will. No, I AM free of the ego! I am free and radiantly healthy! It is inside me right now, and I will reveal it to the world in time.

Love,

Kasi

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Cure for Diabetes

Two posts in one day? Crazy, you say!

A Solution For Diabetes: A Plant-Based Diet

"I’ve been researching the most common and devastating diseases Americans are dealing with, with the aim of finding a common thread running throughout both cause and reversal. As it is now, one out of every two of us will get cancer or heart disease, and one out of every three children born after the year 2000 will be diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. These are devastating diseases, certainly to those who are burdened by them, but also to a health care system that is struggling to keep up.
The extraordinary doctors and nutritional scientists I’ve talked with seem to be saying – and saying fervently – the same thing: a diet high in animal protein is disastrous to our health, while a plant-based (vegan) diet prevents disease and is restorative to our health."

I have been vegetarian for 9 years now. I discovered I am lactose intolerant several years ago. Almost two years ago, I researched the vegan diet and nutrition, tried it for a while, and then decided it was not right for me at that time. Since then I have been continuously improving my diet.
I think the tack that many vegans take of trying to convert people via guilt trip over the suffering of animals is not only not very helpful, it has been very detrimental to the cause. While the suffering of the animals is a very valid concern, some people don't care much about the topic. Many individuals respond to being told what to do by vehemently doing the opposite. But what if it is presented in a different light, as a lifestyle full of yummy food that makes you feel good?
Above all, I believe in paying attention to how your body responds to different foods and learning to listen carefully to our body's messages. Very few people do this any more, but it is such a very valuable skill for living a long, happy, healthy life.

Still craving greens!

I am still craving greens! I can't get over this, it's weird. Tuesday and Wednesday I had salad for lunch AND a green smoothie once I got home, and I want more!

A couple weeks ago I sat in a Wendy's as a couple friends were eating. Since we were there and I was hungry and craving salt, I decided to get french fries. As I sat and looked around, I had the sudden, terrible revelation that I was surrounded by death. From the greasy french fries we shared and the chicken nuggets and burgers they ate that came from tortured animals raised in unsanitary factories, to the tons of plastic for windows, seats, ads, trash cans and the disposable, single-serving everything, to the overweight customers killing themselves with so-called "food"... Death. There was death everywhere. It was like one of those movies where suddenly the character realizes that it's all an illusion and suddenly sees the broken lights, rotten wood, and sunken skull-like faces behind everything and every face around them that looked so bright and normal a second ago.
I asked myself, then, what if I decided to make choices that affirmed life, in every decision I made? What food I eat, whether or not to buy something, what materials to use in my garden and house, even what hobbies I have and how I spend my time.
What if, every day, when faced with a decision I asked myself the simple question, "Is this life-affirming?"
And if the answer is no, then don't buy/eat/do that.
Choose the most life-affirming option in every decision you make.

I don't think it's a coincidence that my cravings for wheat products have dropped dramatically recently. I look at them and think, "My cravings are just a manifestation of emotional need - I should deal with the source, not the symptoms" and "This isn't nuturing to me, it will hurt me. Do I really want to eat something that will leave me hurting for far longer than it would give me pleasure?"

I am tackling the great (and difficult) emotional work and realizing that there is no wonder I was failing to improve my health the whole time.
-I could not access or make progress on locked-up emotional problems without moving and exercising my body.
-I could not exercise without tools and support in place to deal with the intense emotions released.
-I could not eat healthily because of emotional needs connected to food.
-I could not feel stable and happy emotionally because I ate food almost every day that made me subtly sick and ill.
-I could not exercise without pain when my body was full of toxins from bad foods.
-I did not have the energy for exercise when eating unhealthy foods, and without the invigoration of exercise, I had no energy to take the time to prepare healthy foods.

Every problem fed into one another. Buddhists have a word for this that translates approximately as the "interdependent co-arising" of phenomena.
It seemed so helpless, so pointless, doing little things when each little thing does so little toward improving the big picture of my health. But it's all connected through feedback loops, so a little healthier food means better emotional processing and more energy; more energy for exercise means less joint pain and sounder sleep; therapy for emotional issues gives the strength to make healthier food choices... etc. I have so far to go but after this long the progress I am seeing feels so wonderful!
And hard! Wow, this is exhilerating but also hard work! I am so grateful for all the ways I am blessed - especially, this week, all the loving support I am receiving from my husband.

Until next time, love and light,
Kasi

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Physical update

I had hoped to get the initial inventories for all area out of the way to start with, but that would be rather organized of me, and, well, life happens. I feel it's time for a physical status update.

Physically speaking, I haven't been feeling all that well for the past three weeks. I've had a lot of headaches. I had migraines multiples times last week, and those were NO FUN! But I know the trigger - menstration triggers migraines for me often, and wheat triggers sinus headaches and occasionally even migraines. So I really, really need to be more diligent about cutting out wheat and gluten - no matter how much I am craving it. I am addicted to this terrible "food." I wouldn't even call it food - food nourishes the body, and gluten is like a poison to my body. Therefore, wheat bread, pasta, etc. are NOT FOOD for me! I need to stop thinking of them as food.

On a happy note, I noticed today I am really craving GREENS for the first time in my life. I'm not sure why this is, but it makes me happy. Usually my cravings are for things I KNOW are terrible for me and the craving are a result of stress, anxiety, or addition. But greens? I have hated salad so much in the past, the idea that I would CRAVE GREENS seems so strange! I thought it might happen if I drank a lot of green smoothies and got really used to consuming a lot of greens daily, but I've only been having green smoothies occasionally at best. But today I really wanted a salad, with the enthusiasm I usually reserve for chocolate and a number of terribly-unhealthy snacks, like garlic bread, pizza, ice cream, etc. I had some less strong greens cravings over the last week, too. This is really rather exciting - it means my body is learning to tell me what I need nutritionally, instead of just emotionally, and that is a skill I have been working on for a long time now with only limited success.

Let's see... I found that the shoulder/arm/back pain I have been experiencing for many years is most likely due to poor lymph circulation/drainage. So I have been skin brushing (said to improve lymph circulation, and it definitely energizes me!) and recently purchased a high-quality rebounder as well. I will be getting more exercise that way, and bouncing on a rebounder is supposed to improve immune system and especially lymph circulation/drainage.
Why is my lymphatic system messed up? I'm not entirely sure. I think a big part of it must be the lack of exercise I've had in recent years to keep the lymphatic system circulating. The lymphatic system is so important. It cleans and carries toxins from your tissues to your liver for removal from the body. However, there's no pump for the lymphatic system - you have to move your body in order to get your lymph moving. I have not had a regular exercise routine in over 4 years. But this pain preceded that, so I think there must be more to it. Massage helps, but only temporarily. I think that may be because it gets the lymph moving again.

Also, we put up mirrors in the living room and I have purchased a portable DVD player, so now I have the space and equipment to use all my dance DVDs. I love to dance so very much, but I need a bit more regimented plan if I am going to get in better shape and challenge myself physically.

Additionally, I've gone off hormonal birth control. I really, really needed to stop after years of being on it constantly. I think it has messed up my hormonal self-balance and may be responsible for the migraines. I need to let my body clear this out and learn to self-regulate again. I don't think hormonal birth control is an ideal long-term solution. Short-term it is great, but if you are looking at more than a couple years, it's much, much cheaper and less hassle to get an IUD. If I had to do it all over again, I would have gotten an IUD many years ago, to start with, and saved myself thousands of dollars in prescription costs, not to mention the physical benefits.
I will, however, miss the predictability and control of when I had my period and for how long. Alas. I'll have to go back to being surprised. Life is full of surprises. I wish we would stop thinking of surprises as always bad. I guess that means I should start with accepting them myself. :)

Love and light,
Kasi

Monday, October 5, 2009

Mental & Emotional Inventory

There are some ways in which they are separate, but Mental and Emotional health overlap in so many ways, I will often be lumping them together, today included.
Mentally/intellectually, I'm a pretty smart person, and always have been. It was a key part of my identity growing up - I was the really smart kid, and didn't have a hard time with any subject at school. I think that was at least as much to do with the way the school system was structured and my ability to figure out what adults (teachers) wanted as it was to do with me really being smarter than my peers. I think it's terribly sad that so many very smart children are indoctrinated by the school system to equate learning with suffering and themselves with stupidity. But that, my friends, is another rant entirely.
Intellectual challenges are important to me. It is vitally important to me that I continue to learn and grow throughout life. As I've said before, without change, life gets stagnant.
Mentally, my ability to think clearly, concentrate, reason, and understand and solve problems quickly deteriorated in college. I'm not sure why, but I'm certain it had to do with poor diet, lack of sleep, and emotionally abusive relationships, as well of years of poor-self care catching up with me. I sometimes joke that I got stupider in college... and it's only half a joke. I miss that sense of mental clarity and alertness, as I rarely feel it fully any more. I don't feel all that smart, anymore.
Ideally, mentally, I'd have a quickness of thought, clarity of mind, and ability to reason clearly and rapidly, without the dragging hangups I developed late in my teens. I miss math. I want to practice and love math again. I want to do higher math for fun. I want to tutor/teach HS kids (and adults) in math up through calculus, and be able to instill in them the understanding and sense of fun and amazement I used to have for the subject. Learning can be so exciting and fun. Unfortunately, our public school systems have a tendency to suck all the excitement and fun right out of learning.
Many, many years ago I realized the important of applying one's mental abilities to understanding, interpreting, and controlling emotions. Our emotions are affected by so many things - even more so if one is, like myself, a particularly empathetic person, open to the influences of others' emotions. Diet, sleep, exercise, addictions (to anything, including foods) and unconscious cues (such as smells or sounds that call up remembered emotions) can all cause emotions in us. Without practicing self-awareness and making mental connections, we can act on emotions without realizing we are just feeling that way because we are tired, our blood sugar is low, a song has triggered a painful memory, etc.
Emotionally, I have dealt with depression off and on my entire life. There have been times when it has been very dark, but the majority of the time it is more subtle, and I have had to learn to pay attention to my body's cues and what triggers I am susceptible to. I am pretty good at handling depression on a daily basis, but occasional bouts of a deeper depression require outside support. Luckily, I have a strong support network in my friends and family. I cannot overstate how important this is. But even more important is a belief in and love for YOURSELF.
I'm currently in therapy and quite pleased with my therapist. I've had a few before and decent ones are hard to find. I'm finding this one is responsive when we run into stylistic differences and willing to customize to what I need. She is what a therapist should be - a facilitator, not a boss or advice-giver. She is really helping me work through some of the deeper, more hidden psychological issues I didn't even know I had, and it is really good. It's also very different than previous therapy that I've had. I'm up in my head so much of the time that I haven't been able to do much with the deeper emotional level, but she's got me doing some gut-level work too, from time to time, which is very helpful. I am a firm believer that the right match in a therapist can do much for your mental and emotional health, even if you feel you are "healthy" already, and I would encourage everyone to consider seeing a therapist to talk about any issues, even small ones, that stand between you and radiant joy. Becoming aware of your emotions, becoming mindful of them, allows you to begin to unravel conditioning that affects your life in both daily and in large ways.
Ideally, I would have clarity regarding my emotions and triggers and I would be able to understand the true source of the emotion and respond accordingly, with intention and mindfulness. I would no longer be subject to the whims of chemical imbalance (body is tired, have a migraine, ate something allergenic) but would be aware of them, minimize them, and act with this knowledge in mind. For example, I feel an emotion of irritation with my husband. I could a) snap at him and call him out on some slight, telling him how he messed up and needs to apologize, or I could b) realize the snack I had an hour ago gave me a migraine and my body is aching from not being able to handle the food, making me tense and causing me some pain, and therefore the emotion is physically based and the physical discomfort will pass - nothing has actually occurred worth yelling about.
Furthermore, ideally I would not be subject to react based on previous conditioning or unfulfilled unconscious needs, as I would have worked through and be aware of that conditioning and those needs and could work on de-conditioning and seeking healthy, conscious fulfillment (or release) of my needs. Therapy is super-useful at this, but so is any deep mindfulness such as meditation, yoga, etc.
We as individuals and as a society (and as the whole world!) would be so much happier if each of us took upon ourselves the responsibility to be fully mindful of our actions, words, and even thoughts. We shape our reality with the way we think about it, so true mindfulness starts within, with the observation and constructive reshaping of our thoughts. We can change our lives by changing the way we think. For more on this exhilarating and empowering concept, check out the works of Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, and Deepak Chopra.

Anyway, I think that's a pretty good starting point for my mental/emotional inventory. More to come as I process it.