Posts
The Coffee Self-Talk 2-Minute Gratitude Journal
7 months ago
Thursday, October 28, 2010
sidebar updated
By the way, I've updated (OK, completely re-written) the sidebar on "Why 'Raw Growth'?" Check it out.
Refined purpose and new focus
For the first time in 5 months, I feel led to blog! I have been too busy living to be online as much. I have been continuing to grow and continuing to eat some raw foods. I have been journaling more lately and see a therapist regularly. This has helped me grow tremendously this year. I can feel the changes and others have commented on them too. And there's much more to come.
Since last December, I have had green smoothies almost every day. I usually skip the weekends to give myself a break. Usually these are fruit, water, and greens, and sometimes other bonuses like green powders, chia seeds, slippery elm bark powder, etc. Sometimes I make green protein smoothies instead. With those, I leave out the fruit as my stomach doesn't seem to like fruit with such a high level of protein all at once. It took some work (my first creations were kind of gross!) but I've got those protein shakes down to tasting really good too. The last was kind of cherry cordial-like. Mmm!
The rest of the time, my diet's not "raw." I stay away from dairy and wheat with rare exceptions. They make me ill and no mind-over-matter positive thinking can keep them from leaving me at least mildly depressed. Why would I want to go back to feeling sad, lonely, tired, and apathetic? We made a vegan, gluten-free pizza at home the other day, with fresh home-made tomato sauce (which was way easier than I thought it would be, by the way), and it was quite probably the BEST pizza I've ever had. It was SO good.
I do need to get away from eating corn all the time - I know it bugs me too, at least in large amounts. And I have been reading more about the connections between gluten and soy intake and thyroid problems, so I'm reducing my soy intake too. I hardly eat soy anyway, so that's not hard for me.
In my efforts to achieve great health, I've focused on food and diet pretty exclusively for a couple of years. That has done me a world of good, and I've learned so much. I'm not going to drop the ball on it, but it's time for me to focus on some other things too:
Since last December, I have had green smoothies almost every day. I usually skip the weekends to give myself a break. Usually these are fruit, water, and greens, and sometimes other bonuses like green powders, chia seeds, slippery elm bark powder, etc. Sometimes I make green protein smoothies instead. With those, I leave out the fruit as my stomach doesn't seem to like fruit with such a high level of protein all at once. It took some work (my first creations were kind of gross!) but I've got those protein shakes down to tasting really good too. The last was kind of cherry cordial-like. Mmm!
The rest of the time, my diet's not "raw." I stay away from dairy and wheat with rare exceptions. They make me ill and no mind-over-matter positive thinking can keep them from leaving me at least mildly depressed. Why would I want to go back to feeling sad, lonely, tired, and apathetic? We made a vegan, gluten-free pizza at home the other day, with fresh home-made tomato sauce (which was way easier than I thought it would be, by the way), and it was quite probably the BEST pizza I've ever had. It was SO good.
I do need to get away from eating corn all the time - I know it bugs me too, at least in large amounts. And I have been reading more about the connections between gluten and soy intake and thyroid problems, so I'm reducing my soy intake too. I hardly eat soy anyway, so that's not hard for me.
In my efforts to achieve great health, I've focused on food and diet pretty exclusively for a couple of years. That has done me a world of good, and I've learned so much. I'm not going to drop the ball on it, but it's time for me to focus on some other things too:
- Overeating and fast eating: How much I eat and how I eat can be as what I eat. Eating too much "healthy" food, or gobbling it down too quickly, will leave me as tired and icky-feeling as an "unhealthy" food. I've long had an issue with overeating because I didn't want to see any food go to "waste," but I'm working on that. It's still a "waste" if it's making me feel sick, after all! I also need to get used to the idea that my small frame and small appetite means I don't need to take or eat as much as a 200-pound man or a marathon-runner. Also, I am trying to take the time to eat slowly and mindfully, remember to chew thoroughly and breath deeply. This makes a world of difference to my digestion! And if I'm eating more slowly, my body is better able to signal me to stop when I am full, reducing how often I overeat.
- Sleep: Ever felt like your life would be easier, like you could get so much more done, if you didn't have to sleep? I've felt that way sometimes. Couldn't I at least have to sleep less? But really, if I had to sleep less, I'd just feel I have to do even more. For as long as I can remember, I've slept too little during the week and tried to "catch up" on the weekends. The more I learn about health, nutrition, and healing, the more doctors I talk to and the more books I read, the more I learn that's all a bunch of hooey. Sleep is important, not just on the weekends, but every night. It's needed for health, disease prevention, concentration, intelligence, energy, digestion, beautiful hair and skin and weight loss. Want to look and feel great? Commit to getting enough sleep every night. I'm going to!
- Exercise: I've long being pretty lackadaisical about exercise. It's not that I'm entirely sedentary - I like to go on hikes a couple of times a month, some days I dance around the house when I'm feeling good, and I play games with my friends and my cats. But it's been over five years since I had a committed, regular exercise program and it's past due for me to do it again. Again, the more I read about health, the more I learn that exercise is not an option. It's essential.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Back from a leave of...
And... I'm back.
It has been a long time since I last posted, I know, and I can't promise regular posting just yet. I had been avidly reading and blogging all winter, but toward the end I hit the winter-blues, and since then, I've been refocusing my time and energy to things offline. I am changing a lot of priorities mentally and slowly changing the manifestations in my life of these priorities. This has meant I had to focus my energy on things other than my diet. But things are coming back around again
I have been eating what I have felt like, and that's been pretty far from the gluten-free, corn-free, raw vegan diet I'd like to follow on a semi-regularly basis. Once I allowed wheat, dairy and corn back into my diet, the addictions reasserted themselves and I have not been able to resist bypassing all three for even one day. But chocolate is really bad - I realized that I am pretty thoroughly addicted to chocolate/sweets and they are a big part of how I cope with stress. Not good.
Emotionally, I am having a rough time. Depression sunk in midwinter and has been hard to beat back. Trying to stay optimistic, though. I know it is harder because of the crap food that I am eating - food that causes inflammation in the body and therefore fatigue, depression, and all that. But the weather is warming up and it's past time for me to go for a higher-raw diet again. This will, by itself, make a difference, but it is also not the only thing I am doing to improve my mood situation.
Oddly enough, I feel that I've been hesitant to go "whole hog" on the raw thing in part because I've been getting mixed messages from my body & my intuition, both. I simultaneously feel that high-raw-high-vegan (HRHV) is the best thing for my body, AND that I might need to integrate some animal products more after 9 years of vegetarianism. I have been eating raw cows' and goats' milk cheeses occasionally for a few months months now, and I don't think they are sitting with me very well. I have eggs occasionally, and those don't disagree with me, but they do feel heavy. So I introduced a little chicken, after research and buying only from sources I am OK with. I have, when eating it, intentionally let myself listen to what my mind, body, and conscience are telling me. And I have really mixed feelings about it... but they are not all bad. So I've had chicken a few times now... I'm not sure it's something I want to do often, but perhaps it will be something I do once a month or something like that. Or maybe it was just something I needed for now, and I can go back to eating more in alignment with my values soon. We will see.
So, I'm doing the six-week detox thing again. I've been listening to inspirational speakers and educational teleseminars. Also, I am spending the first week of June in New York, and I am looking forward to trying all sort of fantastic raw vegan restaurants there. Nothing like gourmet raw food that I didn't have to work for to get my inspired and back on track, right?
It has been a long time since I last posted, I know, and I can't promise regular posting just yet. I had been avidly reading and blogging all winter, but toward the end I hit the winter-blues, and since then, I've been refocusing my time and energy to things offline. I am changing a lot of priorities mentally and slowly changing the manifestations in my life of these priorities. This has meant I had to focus my energy on things other than my diet. But things are coming back around again
I have been eating what I have felt like, and that's been pretty far from the gluten-free, corn-free, raw vegan diet I'd like to follow on a semi-regularly basis. Once I allowed wheat, dairy and corn back into my diet, the addictions reasserted themselves and I have not been able to resist bypassing all three for even one day. But chocolate is really bad - I realized that I am pretty thoroughly addicted to chocolate/sweets and they are a big part of how I cope with stress. Not good.
Emotionally, I am having a rough time. Depression sunk in midwinter and has been hard to beat back. Trying to stay optimistic, though. I know it is harder because of the crap food that I am eating - food that causes inflammation in the body and therefore fatigue, depression, and all that. But the weather is warming up and it's past time for me to go for a higher-raw diet again. This will, by itself, make a difference, but it is also not the only thing I am doing to improve my mood situation.
Oddly enough, I feel that I've been hesitant to go "whole hog" on the raw thing in part because I've been getting mixed messages from my body & my intuition, both. I simultaneously feel that high-raw-high-vegan (HRHV) is the best thing for my body, AND that I might need to integrate some animal products more after 9 years of vegetarianism. I have been eating raw cows' and goats' milk cheeses occasionally for a few months months now, and I don't think they are sitting with me very well. I have eggs occasionally, and those don't disagree with me, but they do feel heavy. So I introduced a little chicken, after research and buying only from sources I am OK with. I have, when eating it, intentionally let myself listen to what my mind, body, and conscience are telling me. And I have really mixed feelings about it... but they are not all bad. So I've had chicken a few times now... I'm not sure it's something I want to do often, but perhaps it will be something I do once a month or something like that. Or maybe it was just something I needed for now, and I can go back to eating more in alignment with my values soon. We will see.
So, I'm doing the six-week detox thing again. I've been listening to inspirational speakers and educational teleseminars. Also, I am spending the first week of June in New York, and I am looking forward to trying all sort of fantastic raw vegan restaurants there. Nothing like gourmet raw food that I didn't have to work for to get my inspired and back on track, right?
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Smooth skin and emotional steam
It would be funny how addictive gluten and dairy are, except it isn't! After the day where I succumbed to the junky snacks and that piece of piece, I had gluten and/or dairy again for the next two or three days. Every time, I tried to stay away, but every time, I felt like I had no control of my actions! Each day I had a little less, though - the last was a single stolen bite of my hubby's mac'n'cheese. Since then it's been much easier.
My salt cravings are still intense. I remind myself to eat salt-containing healthy foods, like miso broth or nori (the seaweed used to roll sushi, which I just love to snack on!), and that usually handles it, but sometimes I eat a salty snack anyway.
So, I'm plugging away at the six-week detox. I've got a cold, which isn't making things easier, but I'm sticking to it nonetheless. I'm determined to get more exercise.
My skin is smoothing out some. Oddly enough, the eczema isn't getting any better, and my face is still covered in the tiny bumps that I think of as preceding pimples, though it's been years since I actually got full-fledged pimples all over my face. It's usually just these tiny bumps with occasional pimples. Where I don't have the eczema, though, my skin is softer and regaining healthy elasticity. This is one of the biggest things I wanted out of this detox, so I'm excited about it. I will be more excited when my eczema actually goes away. I'd like to lose a little weight, too, but I understand that my body has higher priorities right now, so I'll be patient.
The "emotional detox" has continued to be pretty intense, making me very, very glad to have a very supportive husband and supportive friends around me. One of the biggest realizations I had was how much my friends me to me and why I am "meanest" (most prone to be a bit snippy) to those closest to me. I only feel safe expressing my anger with the people that make me feel safe, that I believe won't hate or hurt or leave me if I express my anger. That I am now able to explain this I think makes it easier when I am snippy to a good friend.
And meanwhile I'm working on other issues, so that I can express anger, frustration, and other "negative" emotions in a healthy, gradual way, rather than bottling them up and blowing up at someone.
My salt cravings are still intense. I remind myself to eat salt-containing healthy foods, like miso broth or nori (the seaweed used to roll sushi, which I just love to snack on!), and that usually handles it, but sometimes I eat a salty snack anyway.
So, I'm plugging away at the six-week detox. I've got a cold, which isn't making things easier, but I'm sticking to it nonetheless. I'm determined to get more exercise.
My skin is smoothing out some. Oddly enough, the eczema isn't getting any better, and my face is still covered in the tiny bumps that I think of as preceding pimples, though it's been years since I actually got full-fledged pimples all over my face. It's usually just these tiny bumps with occasional pimples. Where I don't have the eczema, though, my skin is softer and regaining healthy elasticity. This is one of the biggest things I wanted out of this detox, so I'm excited about it. I will be more excited when my eczema actually goes away. I'd like to lose a little weight, too, but I understand that my body has higher priorities right now, so I'll be patient.
The "emotional detox" has continued to be pretty intense, making me very, very glad to have a very supportive husband and supportive friends around me. One of the biggest realizations I had was how much my friends me to me and why I am "meanest" (most prone to be a bit snippy) to those closest to me. I only feel safe expressing my anger with the people that make me feel safe, that I believe won't hate or hurt or leave me if I express my anger. That I am now able to explain this I think makes it easier when I am snippy to a good friend.
And meanwhile I'm working on other issues, so that I can express anger, frustration, and other "negative" emotions in a healthy, gradual way, rather than bottling them up and blowing up at someone.
Monday, February 1, 2010
I felt like such a success on Saturday - my first full liquids-only day! - and Sunday morning, when I made a greeeeen smoothie with an entire bunch of dandelion greens (that was *bitter*!). But then Sunday afternoon a friend had a birthday party. I asked if I should bring food, and they assured me it wasn't necessary, that there was TONS of food. Her roommate (a very good friend of mine) had gone out of her way to buy rice-based snacks so as to avoid wheat and corn, but she didn't bother to check the ingredients list (second ingredient on both was corn, not to mention all the sugar and other crap). That was as good as it got at the party, and I was so hungry. I should have gone out and gotten food for myself, but I already felt like everyone thought I was being unreasonable and rude asking about food ingredients at someone else's birthday party. Probably not true, but... my friend had gone out of her way to get something I could eat, and even though she hadn't actually succeeded...
I have been lax with many of the detox rules, but my firm rule was no dairy, wheat, or corn, because they all make me really sick.
But I felt so guilty, and so hungry... so I ate some of the rice cakes. Super sweet and processed, but the least offensive thing available.
Then I had some of the corn tortilla chips because there was guacamole and I love guacamole.
Then I had some with the bean dip, which "only had a little cheese."
Then later everyone was eating pizza and I had a piece. A small piece, with pineapple on it. And three leftover crusts with the garlic sauce because I love garlic so much.
I didn't want the pizza. I wasn't going to have any. It wasn't even good pizza. >P And I felt so crappy even before that. I don't really know what happened.
After the pizza, I ached all over and my head felt like it was full of bees and I couldn't think, and I was suddenly really depressed.
That food makes me so sick.
I was trying to stay away from dairy, wheat and corn for the last year, but I've never succeeded for long, because they are biochemically addictive. I hate that. I really hate not being in control of what I eat.
I'm starting over today. My husband helped me put things into perspective last night: that it was just one day, one bad day, and I learned a lot from it about my emotional issue surrounding hospitality, politeness, birthdays, and food.
Six weeks can't undo years of bad eating. But one day can't undo weeks of detox, either. Right?
I have been lax with many of the detox rules, but my firm rule was no dairy, wheat, or corn, because they all make me really sick.
But I felt so guilty, and so hungry... so I ate some of the rice cakes. Super sweet and processed, but the least offensive thing available.
Then I had some of the corn tortilla chips because there was guacamole and I love guacamole.
Then I had some with the bean dip, which "only had a little cheese."
Then later everyone was eating pizza and I had a piece. A small piece, with pineapple on it. And three leftover crusts with the garlic sauce because I love garlic so much.
I didn't want the pizza. I wasn't going to have any. It wasn't even good pizza. >P And I felt so crappy even before that. I don't really know what happened.
After the pizza, I ached all over and my head felt like it was full of bees and I couldn't think, and I was suddenly really depressed.
That food makes me so sick.
I was trying to stay away from dairy, wheat and corn for the last year, but I've never succeeded for long, because they are biochemically addictive. I hate that. I really hate not being in control of what I eat.
I'm starting over today. My husband helped me put things into perspective last night: that it was just one day, one bad day, and I learned a lot from it about my emotional issue surrounding hospitality, politeness, birthdays, and food.
Six weeks can't undo years of bad eating. But one day can't undo weeks of detox, either. Right?
Friday, January 22, 2010
Hi again! Sorry for the quietude, but I've been busy reading, listening to teleseminars, and concentrating on my well-being during this first week of the Six-Week Detox. I've been keeping a mini-journal on a private forum for participants, and between that and reorganizing how I use my time, I'm a bit strapped for spare moments.
So, I'm going to copy (and lightly edit) a bit from my mini-journal there.
Today I decided to make an all-liquid day. I think I may break with that and have some oranges, because my body's been craving citrus a lot lately. I sat down and ate three whole grapefruits the other day for lunch/brunch. I love grapefruit! I was surprised I felt so satiated and satisfied having just grapefruit for brunch and lunch. (I don't tend to eat anything until at least mid-morning - my gut is much happier that way!)
Last night I made a very green smoothie, low (for me) on fruit and loaded with greens and green powders - chlorella, spirulina, wheatgrass, mullein leaf (good for mucus issues), and dulse. That's what I'll be having for lunch today. I also juiced last night and froze the jar for today - one bunch carrots with their tops, one large bunch parsley, the center 1/3-1/2 of a head of romaine, and two pears. Verrrry green for me, juice wise, but the pears made it still palatable.
I can tell I'm detoxing again - I'm getting mild acne on my face. >.< But being less strict - not doing 100% raw every day - means the detox is much more gentle than it was when I did 100% raw for a full week. I am not feeling so overwhelmed and angry, either. (Hm, sounds like I need to detox some anger... gee, big surprise! NOT!)
Another thing I've been craving and eating a ton of is green olives stuffed with whole garlic cloves. They are oily, but very delicious. I don't even really like green olives, but I love garlic and I know how tremendously healthy it is. I realized I was sitting and eating the equivalent of one or two heads of garlic in one sitting, and found myself thinking, "Huh, I bet my body needs and wants all that anti-microbial goodness."
(Plus they are so tasty!)
Grapefruit is the same way, especially the seeds - an anti-microbial power-house! Huh, I guess my body is trying to tell me something.
I'm going hiking in the woods with friends tomorrow, and we'll be playing games and chasing each other too, so it's going to be my super-high exercise day for the month. (I'm usually worn out for a couple days after these monthly game days!) But I think I'm going to go bowling and/or roller-skating for fun and exercise tonight and/or Sunday too.
I've been making a version of the "Leaky Gut Repair shake" - with hemp protein, a red-superfood powder, chia seeds, coconut, a banana, and about 20 oz. water - and it is not only giving me indigestion, it's making me a little constipated. The indigestion is probably from combining the banana and hemp - and I know better, but man, the shake tastes pretty gross without the banana to sweeten it. I'm going to try my shake again with stevia instead of the banana to sweeten it. I think it is the bad food combining that is upsetting my stomach, but if it is the hemp alone, I should know soon. I hope not, though, because I bought three canisters of hemp protein powder, and I know that stuff doesn't keep forever, even frozen.
The red powder contains lots of stuff, too much to list it all here, but it's lots of high-anti-oxidant red/blue/purple foods (like pomegranate, acai, purple cabbage, berries of many sorts, etc.), detox herbs (milk thistle, tumeric, aloe, ginger, etc.), and enzymes & probiotics. I saw it at Trader Joe's and it sounded just about perfect, so I decided to give it a try.
Well, wish me luck!
So, I'm going to copy (and lightly edit) a bit from my mini-journal there.
Today I decided to make an all-liquid day. I think I may break with that and have some oranges, because my body's been craving citrus a lot lately. I sat down and ate three whole grapefruits the other day for lunch/brunch. I love grapefruit! I was surprised I felt so satiated and satisfied having just grapefruit for brunch and lunch. (I don't tend to eat anything until at least mid-morning - my gut is much happier that way!)
Last night I made a very green smoothie, low (for me) on fruit and loaded with greens and green powders - chlorella, spirulina, wheatgrass, mullein leaf (good for mucus issues), and dulse. That's what I'll be having for lunch today. I also juiced last night and froze the jar for today - one bunch carrots with their tops, one large bunch parsley, the center 1/3-1/2 of a head of romaine, and two pears. Verrrry green for me, juice wise, but the pears made it still palatable.
I can tell I'm detoxing again - I'm getting mild acne on my face. >.< But being less strict - not doing 100% raw every day - means the detox is much more gentle than it was when I did 100% raw for a full week. I am not feeling so overwhelmed and angry, either. (Hm, sounds like I need to detox some anger... gee, big surprise! NOT!)
Another thing I've been craving and eating a ton of is green olives stuffed with whole garlic cloves. They are oily, but very delicious. I don't even really like green olives, but I love garlic and I know how tremendously healthy it is. I realized I was sitting and eating the equivalent of one or two heads of garlic in one sitting, and found myself thinking, "Huh, I bet my body needs and wants all that anti-microbial goodness."
(Plus they are so tasty!)
Grapefruit is the same way, especially the seeds - an anti-microbial power-house! Huh, I guess my body is trying to tell me something.
I'm going hiking in the woods with friends tomorrow, and we'll be playing games and chasing each other too, so it's going to be my super-high exercise day for the month. (I'm usually worn out for a couple days after these monthly game days!) But I think I'm going to go bowling and/or roller-skating for fun and exercise tonight and/or Sunday too.
I've been making a version of the "Leaky Gut Repair shake" - with hemp protein, a red-superfood powder, chia seeds, coconut, a banana, and about 20 oz. water - and it is not only giving me indigestion, it's making me a little constipated. The indigestion is probably from combining the banana and hemp - and I know better, but man, the shake tastes pretty gross without the banana to sweeten it. I'm going to try my shake again with stevia instead of the banana to sweeten it. I think it is the bad food combining that is upsetting my stomach, but if it is the hemp alone, I should know soon. I hope not, though, because I bought three canisters of hemp protein powder, and I know that stuff doesn't keep forever, even frozen.
The red powder contains lots of stuff, too much to list it all here, but it's lots of high-anti-oxidant red/blue/purple foods (like pomegranate, acai, purple cabbage, berries of many sorts, etc.), detox herbs (milk thistle, tumeric, aloe, ginger, etc.), and enzymes & probiotics. I saw it at Trader Joe's and it sounded just about perfect, so I decided to give it a try.
Well, wish me luck!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Slowing down, speeding up, and committing
I haven't written for a week or so, mostly due to lack of time, but also because I wasn't sure what I wanted to say next.
I stopped eating 100% raw for a few days. Emotionally, it was just really tough for me. I learned a lot being 100% raw for a week. One of the things I learned, though, was that eating 100% raw right now is much like when I did Kundalini yoga or acupuncture regularly - very good for me, but a little too much too fast. I realized it was a bit too much when, one evening after work (this was day 7, I think), I found myself storming around the house, yelling about being hungry, and then, less than ten minutes later, lying in bed crying. I said to myself, "Whoa, that was... unexpected. Um. I think I may need to have some gentle cooked food."
So I did. I felt a bit better right away - my detox symptoms eased. I decided to take a few days off and not worry about the diet.
Then over the weekend, I had the opportunity to see some friend I don't see very often, and they wanted to eat out. So not only did I eat cooked food, I ate a fair amount of wheat and dairy. Ugh. That stuff just makes me feel lousy, physically and mentally/emotionally! BLEH!
I've been eating mostly raw the last couple of days, and barring something unexpected, will have eaten 100% raw today. I'm craving oranges this week for some reason. I remember how I used to love them so much I would eat as many as I could get... which wasn't many, I'll admit. So I've been eating a couple of those each day and I think I'll get more, as my local co-op has a glut of blood oranges lately. YUM!
I think I need to prioritize other aspect of self-care and get those going as well if I am to have any hope of succeeding at a raw food diet. Health is about way more than just the food you eat.
As of today, I'm committing to a new program. As of Jan. 1, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to afford it, but the lovely ladies that run the program have negotiated a work-exchange for me for part of the fee. (Have confidence in the abundance of the universe, and what you desire will come to you!) So, as of today I'm doing The Six-Week Detox from The Raw Divas. I'm excited and scared. I've downloaded the documents I need for the first week and the overview stuff, and there's so much, I feel that it's a bit intimidating. I know that's just unhelpful fear talking, though, and I will be grateful for all the information moving forward.
========
One of the first things they said to do is answer four questions to set you intentions for the program:
QUESTION 1: What are your goals for this program. In other words at the end of 6 week program, what will have changed for you?
I will have more energy, more emotional stability, less indigestion, fewer headaches, and smoother, healthier skin.
QUESTION 2: What will you feel like when this is accomplished?
I will feel proud, pleased, and accomplished! I will feel more in tune with myself and my world, and ready to keep going. I will feel more like "myself."
QUESTION 3: On a scale of 1 to 10 , how committed are you to achieving this? (1 is not very, 10 is completely)
8. I'm kind of scared. Part of me wants to run away and say this will all just be too hard. :(
QUESTION 4: What needs to happen for it to be a 10?
I need thorough support and I need to spend some time meditating and doing some affirmations. Right now I'm scared, and my low self-esteem is making me believe I will just fail and that I don't deserve to succeed. Even though I know my husband already is supportive, I am afraid my friends will not be.
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Right now I'm chowing down on a big salad with raw dressing, reading up on raw food and hypothyroidism (from which I suffer), and soon I will be off to snuggle with my hubby and watch a movie on the Dalai Lama and another on natural childbirth.
I stopped eating 100% raw for a few days. Emotionally, it was just really tough for me. I learned a lot being 100% raw for a week. One of the things I learned, though, was that eating 100% raw right now is much like when I did Kundalini yoga or acupuncture regularly - very good for me, but a little too much too fast. I realized it was a bit too much when, one evening after work (this was day 7, I think), I found myself storming around the house, yelling about being hungry, and then, less than ten minutes later, lying in bed crying. I said to myself, "Whoa, that was... unexpected. Um. I think I may need to have some gentle cooked food."
So I did. I felt a bit better right away - my detox symptoms eased. I decided to take a few days off and not worry about the diet.
Then over the weekend, I had the opportunity to see some friend I don't see very often, and they wanted to eat out. So not only did I eat cooked food, I ate a fair amount of wheat and dairy. Ugh. That stuff just makes me feel lousy, physically and mentally/emotionally! BLEH!
I've been eating mostly raw the last couple of days, and barring something unexpected, will have eaten 100% raw today. I'm craving oranges this week for some reason. I remember how I used to love them so much I would eat as many as I could get... which wasn't many, I'll admit. So I've been eating a couple of those each day and I think I'll get more, as my local co-op has a glut of blood oranges lately. YUM!
I think I need to prioritize other aspect of self-care and get those going as well if I am to have any hope of succeeding at a raw food diet. Health is about way more than just the food you eat.
As of today, I'm committing to a new program. As of Jan. 1, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to afford it, but the lovely ladies that run the program have negotiated a work-exchange for me for part of the fee. (Have confidence in the abundance of the universe, and what you desire will come to you!) So, as of today I'm doing The Six-Week Detox from The Raw Divas. I'm excited and scared. I've downloaded the documents I need for the first week and the overview stuff, and there's so much, I feel that it's a bit intimidating. I know that's just unhelpful fear talking, though, and I will be grateful for all the information moving forward.
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One of the first things they said to do is answer four questions to set you intentions for the program:
QUESTION 1: What are your goals for this program. In other words at the end of 6 week program, what will have changed for you?
I will have more energy, more emotional stability, less indigestion, fewer headaches, and smoother, healthier skin.
QUESTION 2: What will you feel like when this is accomplished?
I will feel proud, pleased, and accomplished! I will feel more in tune with myself and my world, and ready to keep going. I will feel more like "myself."
QUESTION 3: On a scale of 1 to 10 , how committed are you to achieving this? (1 is not very, 10 is completely)
8. I'm kind of scared. Part of me wants to run away and say this will all just be too hard. :(
QUESTION 4: What needs to happen for it to be a 10?
I need thorough support and I need to spend some time meditating and doing some affirmations. Right now I'm scared, and my low self-esteem is making me believe I will just fail and that I don't deserve to succeed. Even though I know my husband already is supportive, I am afraid my friends will not be.
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Right now I'm chowing down on a big salad with raw dressing, reading up on raw food and hypothyroidism (from which I suffer), and soon I will be off to snuggle with my hubby and watch a movie on the Dalai Lama and another on natural childbirth.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Days 4 & 5
I have made it 5 1/2 days at 100% raw.
This stuff is hard. But I made it... with my hubby's help again.
It's not really the food part, although that certainly takes a lot of adjusting...
The hardest part is all emotional!
I was definitely aware before that, under stress, I craved certain foods for entirely emotional reasons.
Over recent months, but strongly highlighted for me this past week, I've come to realize that what foods appeal to us - what sounds good for dinner, what we pick at a restaurant, our favorites foods - are rarely a matter of choice OR a matter of listening to what our body needs and wants. Mostly they are from
Honestly, I had this thought (perhaps a horrible one) that I couldn't be using food to hide from emotions, because if I was, surely I'd be eating way more sweets and I'd be much more overweight, right? I had it in my head that only *really fat* people had issues with using food as a major emotional block. And while I'm not as slim as I'd like or could be, and I have days where I feel fat, I know I'm not really fat. So I couldn't have any serious food-emotion problems... right?
I feel so dumb... it's very humbling.
And now I realize that if I was/am doing it... so are most people, probably!
I've seen Valya Boutenko call part of this the "Food Imprint." The food imprint happens when we are young. Whatever solids we are fed early on by our parents, our bodies associate with health, nutrition, and comfort. Evolutionarily speaking, this is so we learn to crave those foods that our parents - who have our best health in mind, of course - would naturally feed us. We crave foods suited to our environment and suitable to health.
Except, you know, most of us aren't getting weaned onto green smoothies and fresh ripe fruit. (With some inspiring exceptions!) In American and many other industrialized nations, we are mostly weaned onto over-processed crap.
Wow, it's just a lot for me to think about. And damn, day five was HARD. I was overtired from lack of sleep and stress and I just wanted bread and cookies, chocolate and tortilla chips...
And wheat, dairy and corn are all extra bad for me (and many people). They are some of the most common allergens out there, period. They are also in everything! (Which is why they are common allergens!) So it is hard to avoid them all and easy to crave them!
I think I'm detoxing hard. I have had a headache for a few days and intermittent nausea for three days. It is NO fun. I am debating whether I need to pull back a little and eat 90% raw for a while instead... but given all this emotional stuff I am uncovering, I want to be careful not to make that decision for the wrong reasons. I really need to listen to my body. Mostly I think my body is saying, "lay off all the fatty foods, yeesh!" I need to eat more fruit, I think.
Day 4:
~40oz green smoothie
mango
cauliflower
kombucha
chocolate mousse (this is so amazingly delicious and healthy too!)
flax crackers with nut pate
nori rolls with apple, avocado, lettuce, and raw honey (YUM!)
Day 5:
apple
~35oz. green smoothie
carrots
salad of mixed greens with sliced tomato and avocado
kombucha
herbal tea
collard wrap with carrot, zucchini, onion, avocado, kale, and portabello mushrooms
Lots of delicious food!
No matter where I go from here, I am proud of myself. Every day, every hour I stay 100% raw is another day/hour longer than I ever have before. And so even if I don't make it through a whole month at 100% raw, I've still accomplished something. I know I can eat way more raw food than I thought before!
This stuff is hard. But I made it... with my hubby's help again.
It's not really the food part, although that certainly takes a lot of adjusting...
The hardest part is all emotional!
I was definitely aware before that, under stress, I craved certain foods for entirely emotional reasons.
- "I've had a bad day, I need some chocolate."
- "I'm so tired, let's just order pizza."
- "Work has been so tough this week, I want breadsticks and nacho cheese."
- "Hm, I'm so hungry, I don't have time for something complicated. Spaghetti sounds good."
- "I want to relax. I'll read a book and have hot cocoa."
- "I've had dinner but I'm still hungry. I'll have some gluten-free cookies, those are healthy, right?"
Over recent months, but strongly highlighted for me this past week, I've come to realize that what foods appeal to us - what sounds good for dinner, what we pick at a restaurant, our favorites foods - are rarely a matter of choice OR a matter of listening to what our body needs and wants. Mostly they are from
- What we are used to.
- Smells, tastes, and textures associated with (usually unconscious) positive memories
- Addictions to things like wheat, cheese, sugar, etc.
Honestly, I had this thought (perhaps a horrible one) that I couldn't be using food to hide from emotions, because if I was, surely I'd be eating way more sweets and I'd be much more overweight, right? I had it in my head that only *really fat* people had issues with using food as a major emotional block. And while I'm not as slim as I'd like or could be, and I have days where I feel fat, I know I'm not really fat. So I couldn't have any serious food-emotion problems... right?
I feel so dumb... it's very humbling.
And now I realize that if I was/am doing it... so are most people, probably!
I've seen Valya Boutenko call part of this the "Food Imprint." The food imprint happens when we are young. Whatever solids we are fed early on by our parents, our bodies associate with health, nutrition, and comfort. Evolutionarily speaking, this is so we learn to crave those foods that our parents - who have our best health in mind, of course - would naturally feed us. We crave foods suited to our environment and suitable to health.
Except, you know, most of us aren't getting weaned onto green smoothies and fresh ripe fruit. (With some inspiring exceptions!) In American and many other industrialized nations, we are mostly weaned onto over-processed crap.
Wow, it's just a lot for me to think about. And damn, day five was HARD. I was overtired from lack of sleep and stress and I just wanted bread and cookies, chocolate and tortilla chips...
And wheat, dairy and corn are all extra bad for me (and many people). They are some of the most common allergens out there, period. They are also in everything! (Which is why they are common allergens!) So it is hard to avoid them all and easy to crave them!
I think I'm detoxing hard. I have had a headache for a few days and intermittent nausea for three days. It is NO fun. I am debating whether I need to pull back a little and eat 90% raw for a while instead... but given all this emotional stuff I am uncovering, I want to be careful not to make that decision for the wrong reasons. I really need to listen to my body. Mostly I think my body is saying, "lay off all the fatty foods, yeesh!" I need to eat more fruit, I think.
Day 4:
~40oz green smoothie
mango
cauliflower
kombucha
chocolate mousse (this is so amazingly delicious and healthy too!)
flax crackers with nut pate
nori rolls with apple, avocado, lettuce, and raw honey (YUM!)
Day 5:
apple
~35oz. green smoothie
carrots
salad of mixed greens with sliced tomato and avocado
kombucha
herbal tea
collard wrap with carrot, zucchini, onion, avocado, kale, and portabello mushrooms
Lots of delicious food!
No matter where I go from here, I am proud of myself. Every day, every hour I stay 100% raw is another day/hour longer than I ever have before. And so even if I don't make it through a whole month at 100% raw, I've still accomplished something. I know I can eat way more raw food than I thought before!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Day 3/4, and the monetary price of raw food
To start, yesterday's food intake:
Day 3:
a glass of fresh raw almond milk
a couple heaping spoonfuls of "Mock Salmon Pate" from Living on Live Food
most of a whole pineapple
more zucchini and nut "alfredo"
several flax crackers from Foods Alive with mock salmon pate
a slice of raw pie, a friend's creation
an apple
If it doesn't seem like I'm eating a ton, well... I guess I'm not. But I'm a pretty small person, so I didn't before, either - unless I was overeating, and I felt pretty awful when I stuffed myself to the gills, so I'm making a point not to do that now! But it would be awfully easy to do with those Onion Garlic flax crackers... MM!!
My husband was very helpful yesterday in getting me through the day. I hit a rough patch emotionally, and all that fresh almond milk didn't sit right with me, as I have some trouble digesting raw nuts and I forgot to take digestive enzymes beforehand to help. So I was sitting there, feeling sad and sick, and that last slice of homemade vegan gluten-free pizza looked so tempting. "It's pretty healthy, after all," I told myself. And I told this to my hubby, who said to me, "You told me you want to eat raw this whole month, and I said I will help you. I will go make you whatever raw dish you want, and I will support you and prepare food for you all month, if you DON'T eat that pizza."
And so I rested, let the nausea pass, and then I pigged out on a whole pineapple my sweetie cut up for me, because that's what I felt like eating. ;)
And my hubby is going to finish that pizza so it stops tempting me every time I open the fridge!
One of the criticisms of the raw food diet is that it is expensive, especially if you go for all organic produce, which is the best way to do it. (I do feel that healthy eating is often out of reach for the poor, but I do think there are many reasons for that, and that is a topic for another post.) I have found that the initial, upfront investments can be pricy, but only as much as you want them to be. I recently acquired a Vita-Mix and a dehydrator, which are pretty big monetary investments, but they are also more-or-less frills that help make the raw diet more interesting. As for myself, I want to do this raw thing 100% of the time (at least for now) and learn to make a lot of gourmet dishes, both so that it is easier for me emotionally at first and also so that I can make really attractive and delicious dishes to share with friends and family. Hence the investment. But eating raw doesn't require special equipment (you don't even need a stove, microwave, or cookware!) or a lot of money. Eating more raw food can be as simple as allowing yourself to eat your favorite fruit to your heart's content.
Emotionally, I had to get past that myself. When I was little, fresh fruit and veggies were a special snack, not an every-meal food, so mentally I've had to get past the idea that one apple a day is all I can have, or eating an entire 8-oz box of strawberries in one sitting is selfish, and other ideas like that.
Anyway, today I did the week's grocery shopping, equipped with my list of everything I will need for this week's planned meals. I also picked up some goodies - like the organic mango I'm munching on right now and some Synergy GT's Raw Kombucha - for lunch. My total was under $32. Now, I will still need more greens (less than $10 worth) later this week, and I have some of the staples, like spices, almond butter, and that sort of thing at home already, so if you were starting with a bare cupboard, one week would cost more, but most people aren't starting from nothing. You can transition - when you run out of Jiffy creamy PB, buy a jar of organic raw almond butter instead. The price is higher, but the flavor is really amazing!
How much are you spending on groceries this week? Why not considering skipping the ice cream or crackers this week and buying some fresh fruit or almond butter instead? Yum! For those of us who are not chronically poor or disadvantaged, what we buy at the supermarket is more an issue of priorities than it is of having food at all or not. What are your priorities?
Day 3:
a glass of fresh raw almond milk
a couple heaping spoonfuls of "Mock Salmon Pate" from Living on Live Food
most of a whole pineapple
more zucchini and nut "alfredo"
several flax crackers from Foods Alive with mock salmon pate
a slice of raw pie, a friend's creation
an apple
If it doesn't seem like I'm eating a ton, well... I guess I'm not. But I'm a pretty small person, so I didn't before, either - unless I was overeating, and I felt pretty awful when I stuffed myself to the gills, so I'm making a point not to do that now! But it would be awfully easy to do with those Onion Garlic flax crackers... MM!!
My husband was very helpful yesterday in getting me through the day. I hit a rough patch emotionally, and all that fresh almond milk didn't sit right with me, as I have some trouble digesting raw nuts and I forgot to take digestive enzymes beforehand to help. So I was sitting there, feeling sad and sick, and that last slice of homemade vegan gluten-free pizza looked so tempting. "It's pretty healthy, after all," I told myself. And I told this to my hubby, who said to me, "You told me you want to eat raw this whole month, and I said I will help you. I will go make you whatever raw dish you want, and I will support you and prepare food for you all month, if you DON'T eat that pizza."
And so I rested, let the nausea pass, and then I pigged out on a whole pineapple my sweetie cut up for me, because that's what I felt like eating. ;)
And my hubby is going to finish that pizza so it stops tempting me every time I open the fridge!
One of the criticisms of the raw food diet is that it is expensive, especially if you go for all organic produce, which is the best way to do it. (I do feel that healthy eating is often out of reach for the poor, but I do think there are many reasons for that, and that is a topic for another post.) I have found that the initial, upfront investments can be pricy, but only as much as you want them to be. I recently acquired a Vita-Mix and a dehydrator, which are pretty big monetary investments, but they are also more-or-less frills that help make the raw diet more interesting. As for myself, I want to do this raw thing 100% of the time (at least for now) and learn to make a lot of gourmet dishes, both so that it is easier for me emotionally at first and also so that I can make really attractive and delicious dishes to share with friends and family. Hence the investment. But eating raw doesn't require special equipment (you don't even need a stove, microwave, or cookware!) or a lot of money. Eating more raw food can be as simple as allowing yourself to eat your favorite fruit to your heart's content.
Emotionally, I had to get past that myself. When I was little, fresh fruit and veggies were a special snack, not an every-meal food, so mentally I've had to get past the idea that one apple a day is all I can have, or eating an entire 8-oz box of strawberries in one sitting is selfish, and other ideas like that.
Anyway, today I did the week's grocery shopping, equipped with my list of everything I will need for this week's planned meals. I also picked up some goodies - like the organic mango I'm munching on right now and some Synergy GT's Raw Kombucha - for lunch. My total was under $32. Now, I will still need more greens (less than $10 worth) later this week, and I have some of the staples, like spices, almond butter, and that sort of thing at home already, so if you were starting with a bare cupboard, one week would cost more, but most people aren't starting from nothing. You can transition - when you run out of Jiffy creamy PB, buy a jar of organic raw almond butter instead. The price is higher, but the flavor is really amazing!
How much are you spending on groceries this week? Why not considering skipping the ice cream or crackers this week and buying some fresh fruit or almond butter instead? Yum! For those of us who are not chronically poor or disadvantaged, what we buy at the supermarket is more an issue of priorities than it is of having food at all or not. What are your priorities?
Saturday, January 2, 2010
100% Raw, day two
Oof! I have been a busy bee these past couple of days. We got a new (enormous!) TV as a Christmas gift, and since we had no place to put it, I took it not only to mean that we would have to figure out a new piece of furniture, but also as the domino I needed to get a ton of cleaning and rearranging done in the house. I put my hubby (on mandatory vacation this week) to work cleaning, and yesterday and today I've been hard at work myself. The transformation is really something! It's also given me something to keep my mind on besides food, which is on my mind a lot lately. Since I don't have the space to get bored, I'm not munching mindlessly, either, which is very good! Eating 100% raw, even at home, has been harder than I thought, not so much in terms of the actual eating... The biggest problem seems to be emotion-related cravings. They are powerful! My ego keeps getting in the way, trying to keep me fearful. Whenever you are reluctant to change, that's usually your ego, trying to maintain control - AKA the status quo. And the ego is wily and fights dirty! I keep catching my mind trying to play tricks on me - and so far, I'm not buying it!
Part of the issue is that I had all sorts of healthy, cooked leftovers sitting around from a few days ago, and I really, really hate seeing food wasted. At all. I have been known on many occasions to stuff myself sick rather than see food thrown away - even if it is not very good food. Emotionally, I can't stand waste, especially of good food.
Fortunately, I have both a husband and a roommate who are less, shall we say, selective about their food choices than I am, so I don't have to see delicious, mostly-healthy cooked foods go to waste. Given my hatred of food-wasting, it would surely and sorely tempt me to eat the food just to make sure it is not wasted!
Here's what I've been eating the last couple of days:
Day 1:
2 big glasses green smoothie
chunks of pineapple
broccoli and cauliflower pieces with Kristen's (of Kristen's Raw) Cheezy hemp nacho sauce
Berry/nut soup (from Alissa Cohen's Living on Live Food - a fantastic book!)
zucchini noodles with nut-based alfredo (also from Living on Live Food)
Kristen's Holiday Chia Pudding
Day 2:
fresh juice - carrot, apple, parsley, and carrot greens
banana
2 1/2 glasses green smoothie
raw chocolate mousse (ridiculously easy and so amazingly delicious)
bowl of Go Raw chocolate granola
I love my green smoothies! I start with a banana or two, a handful of greens, and some water, and then add whatever other fruit I feel like that day such as blueberries, and usually some chlorella for good measure. I make about 40-50 oz at once and can easily drink the whole thing. They are delicious, nutritious, and filling. The bananas make it all sweet and somewhat creamy.
For more info on green smoothies, check out Green for Life, the book that brought green smoothies to the world. I have been drinking these for months, and if there is only one suggestion I would take to the masses from the raw foods movement, it would be green smoothies!
Part of the issue is that I had all sorts of healthy, cooked leftovers sitting around from a few days ago, and I really, really hate seeing food wasted. At all. I have been known on many occasions to stuff myself sick rather than see food thrown away - even if it is not very good food. Emotionally, I can't stand waste, especially of good food.
Fortunately, I have both a husband and a roommate who are less, shall we say, selective about their food choices than I am, so I don't have to see delicious, mostly-healthy cooked foods go to waste. Given my hatred of food-wasting, it would surely and sorely tempt me to eat the food just to make sure it is not wasted!
Here's what I've been eating the last couple of days:
Day 1:
2 big glasses green smoothie
chunks of pineapple
broccoli and cauliflower pieces with Kristen's (of Kristen's Raw) Cheezy hemp nacho sauce
Berry/nut soup (from Alissa Cohen's Living on Live Food - a fantastic book!)
zucchini noodles with nut-based alfredo (also from Living on Live Food)
Kristen's Holiday Chia Pudding
Day 2:
fresh juice - carrot, apple, parsley, and carrot greens
banana
2 1/2 glasses green smoothie
raw chocolate mousse (ridiculously easy and so amazingly delicious)
bowl of Go Raw chocolate granola
I love my green smoothies! I start with a banana or two, a handful of greens, and some water, and then add whatever other fruit I feel like that day such as blueberries, and usually some chlorella for good measure. I make about 40-50 oz at once and can easily drink the whole thing. They are delicious, nutritious, and filling. The bananas make it all sweet and somewhat creamy.
For more info on green smoothies, check out Green for Life, the book that brought green smoothies to the world. I have been drinking these for months, and if there is only one suggestion I would take to the masses from the raw foods movement, it would be green smoothies!
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