Raw Growth

sidebar updated

2010-10-28T07:21:00.000-07:00

By the way, I've updated (OK, completely re-written) the sidebar on "Why 'Raw Growth'?" Check it out.

Refined purpose and new focus

2010-10-28T07:12:00.000-07:00

For the first time in 5 months, I feel led to blog! I have been too busy living to be online as much. I have been continuing to grow and continuing to eat some raw foods. I have been journaling more lately and see a therapist regularly. This has helped me grow tremendously this year. I can feel the changes and others have commented on them too. And there's much more to come.

Since last December, I have had green smoothies almost every day. I usually skip the weekends to give myself a break. Usually these are fruit, water, and greens, and sometimes other bonuses like green powders, chia seeds, slippery elm bark powder, etc. Sometimes I make green protein smoothies instead. With those, I leave out the fruit as my stomach doesn't seem to like fruit with such a high level of protein all at once. It took some work (my first creations were kind of gross!) but I've got those protein shakes down to tasting really good too. The last was kind of cherry cordial-like. Mmm!

The rest of the time, my diet's not "raw." I stay away from dairy and wheat with rare exceptions. They make me ill and no mind-over-matter positive thinking can keep them from leaving me at least mildly depressed. Why would I want to go back to feeling sad, lonely, tired, and apathetic? We made a vegan, gluten-free pizza at home the other day, with fresh home-made tomato sauce (which was way easier than I thought it would be, by the way), and it was quite probably the BEST pizza I've ever had. It was SO good.

I do need to get away from eating corn all the time - I know it bugs me too, at least in large amounts. And I have been reading more about the connections between gluten and soy intake and thyroid problems, so I'm reducing my soy intake too. I hardly eat soy anyway, so that's not hard for me.

In my efforts to achieve great health, I've focused on food and diet pretty exclusively for a couple of years. That has done me a world of good, and I've learned so much. I'm not going to drop the ball on it, but it's time for me to focus on some other things too:

Overeating and fast eating: How much I eat and how I eat can be as what I eat. Eating too much "healthy" food, or gobbling it down too quickly, will leave me as tired and icky-feeling as an "unhealthy" food. I've long had an issue with overeating because I didn't want to see any food go to "waste," but I'm working on that. It's still a "waste" if it's making me feel sick, after all! I also need to get used to the idea that my small frame and small appetite means I don't need to take or eat as much as a 200-pound man or a marathon-runner. Also, I am trying to take the time to eat slowly and mindfully, remember to chew thoroughly and breath deeply. This makes a world of difference to my digestion! And if I'm eating more slowly, my body is better able to signal me to stop when I am full, reducing how often I overeat.
Sleep: Ever felt like your life would be easier, like you could get so much more done, if you didn't have to sleep? I've felt that way sometimes. Couldn't I at least have to sleep less? But really, if I had to sleep less, I'd just feel I have to do even more. For as long as I can remember, I've slept too little during the week and tried to "catch up" on the weekends. The more I learn about health, nutrition, and healing, the more doctors I talk to and the more books I read, the more I learn that's all a bunch of hooey. Sleep is important, not just on the weekends, but every night. It's needed for health, disease prevention, concentration, intelligence, energy, digestion, beautiful hair and skin and weight loss. Want to look and feel great? Commit to getting enough sleep every night. I'm going to!
Exercise: I've long being pretty lackadaisical about exercise. It's not that I'm entirely sedentary - I like to go on hikes a couple of times a month, some days I dance around the house when I'm feeling good, and I play games with my friends and my cats. But it's been over five years since I had a committed, regular exercise program and it's past due for me to do it again. Again, the more I read about health, the more I learn that exercise is not an option. It's essential.

Focusing on diet is important - it really is a big, big part of health, probably the single biggest factor in disease causation, prevention, and healing - but it's not the whole picture. Exercise can do a LOT to either make up for or compliment your diet. You can get away with eating more crappy food if you exercise more... but eating crappy food means longer recovery times are required, too. But that, my friends, is a whole other post!

Back from a leave of...

2010-05-21T09:05:00.000-07:00

And... I'm back.
It has been a long time since I last posted, I know, and I can't promise regular posting just yet. I had been avidly reading and blogging all winter, but toward the end I hit the winter-blues, and since then, I've been refocusing my time and energy to things offline. I am changing a lot of priorities mentally and slowly changing the manifestations in my life of these priorities. This has meant I had to focus my energy on things other than my diet. But things are coming back around again

I have been eating what I have felt like, and that's been pretty far from the gluten-free, corn-free, raw vegan diet I'd like to follow on a semi-regularly basis. Once I allowed wheat, dairy and corn back into my diet, the addictions reasserted themselves and I have not been able to resist bypassing all three for even one day. But chocolate is really bad - I realized that I am pretty thoroughly addicted to chocolate/sweets and they are a big part of how I cope with stress. Not good.

Emotionally, I am having a rough time. Depression sunk in midwinter and has been hard to beat back. Trying to stay optimistic, though. I know it is harder because of the crap food that I am eating - food that causes inflammation in the body and therefore fatigue, depression, and all that. But the weather is warming up and it's past time for me to go for a higher-raw diet again. This will, by itself, make a difference, but it is also not the only thing I am doing to improve my mood situation.

Oddly enough, I feel that I've been hesitant to go "whole hog" on the raw thing in part because I've been getting mixed messages from my body & my intuition, both. I simultaneously feel that high-raw-high-vegan (HRHV) is the best thing for my body, AND that I might need to integrate some animal products more after 9 years of vegetarianism. I have been eating raw cows' and goats' milk cheeses occasionally for a few months months now, and I don't think they are sitting with me very well. I have eggs occasionally, and those don't disagree with me, but they do feel heavy. So I introduced a little chicken, after research and buying only from sources I am OK with. I have, when eating it, intentionally let myself listen to what my mind, body, and conscience are telling me. And I have really mixed feelings about it... but they are not all bad. So I've had chicken a few times now... I'm not sure it's something I want to do often, but perhaps it will be something I do once a month or something like that. Or maybe it was just something I needed for now, and I can go back to eating more in alignment with my values soon. We will see.

So, I'm doing the six-week detox thing again. I've been listening to inspirational speakers and educational teleseminars. Also, I am spending the first week of June in New York, and I am looking forward to trying all sort of fantastic raw vegan restaurants there. Nothing like gourmet raw food that I didn't have to work for to get my inspired and back on track, right?

Smooth skin and emotional steam

2010-02-11T09:08:00.000-08:00

It would be funny how addictive gluten and dairy are, except it isn't! After the day where I succumbed to the junky snacks and that piece of piece, I had gluten and/or dairy again for the next two or three days. Every time, I tried to stay away, but every time, I felt like I had no control of my actions! Each day I had a little less, though - the last was a single stolen bite of my hubby's mac'n'cheese. Since then it's been much easier.
My salt cravings are still intense. I remind myself to eat salt-containing healthy foods, like miso broth or nori (the seaweed used to roll sushi, which I just love to snack on!), and that usually handles it, but sometimes I eat a salty snack anyway.
So, I'm plugging away at the six-week detox. I've got a cold, which isn't making things easier, but I'm sticking to it nonetheless. I'm determined to get more exercise.
My skin is smoothing out some. Oddly enough, the eczema isn't getting any better, and my face is still covered in the tiny bumps that I think of as preceding pimples, though it's been years since I actually got full-fledged pimples all over my face. It's usually just these tiny bumps with occasional pimples. Where I don't have the eczema, though, my skin is softer and regaining healthy elasticity. This is one of the biggest things I wanted out of this detox, so I'm excited about it. I will be more excited when my eczema actually goes away. I'd like to lose a little weight, too, but I understand that my body has higher priorities right now, so I'll be patient.

The "emotional detox" has continued to be pretty intense, making me very, very glad to have a very supportive husband and supportive friends around me. One of the biggest realizations I had was how much my friends me to me and why I am "meanest" (most prone to be a bit snippy) to those closest to me. I only feel safe expressing my anger with the people that make me feel safe, that I believe won't hate or hurt or leave me if I express my anger. That I am now able to explain this I think makes it easier when I am snippy to a good friend.
And meanwhile I'm working on other issues, so that I can express anger, frustration, and other "negative" emotions in a healthy, gradual way, rather than bottling them up and blowing up at someone.

2010-02-01T06:19:00.000-08:00

I felt like such a success on Saturday - my first full liquids-only day! - and Sunday morning, when I made a greeeeen smoothie with an entire bunch of dandelion greens (that was *bitter*!). But then Sunday afternoon a friend had a birthday party. I asked if I should bring food, and they assured me it wasn't necessary, that there was TONS of food. Her roommate (a very good friend of mine) had gone out of her way to buy rice-based snacks so as to avoid wheat and corn, but she didn't bother to check the ingredients list (second ingredient on both was corn, not to mention all the sugar and other crap). That was as good as it got at the party, and I was so hungry. I should have gone out and gotten food for myself, but I already felt like everyone thought I was being unreasonable and rude asking about food ingredients at someone else's birthday party. Probably not true, but... my friend had gone out of her way to get something I could eat, and even though she hadn't actually succeeded...
I have been lax with many of the detox rules, but my firm rule was no dairy, wheat, or corn, because they all make me really sick.
But I felt so guilty, and so hungry... so I ate some of the rice cakes. Super sweet and processed, but the least offensive thing available.
Then I had some of the corn tortilla chips because there was guacamole and I love guacamole.
Then I had some with the bean dip, which "only had a little cheese."
Then later everyone was eating pizza and I had a piece. A small piece, with pineapple on it. And three leftover crusts with the garlic sauce because I love garlic so much.
I didn't want the pizza. I wasn't going to have any. It wasn't even good pizza. >P And I felt so crappy even before that. I don't really know what happened.
After the pizza, I ached all over and my head felt like it was full of bees and I couldn't think, and I was suddenly really depressed.
That food makes me so sick.

I was trying to stay away from dairy, wheat and corn for the last year, but I've never succeeded for long, because they are biochemically addictive. I hate that. I really hate not being in control of what I eat.

I'm starting over today. My husband helped me put things into perspective last night: that it was just one day, one bad day, and I learned a lot from it about my emotional issue surrounding hospitality, politeness, birthdays, and food.
Six weeks can't undo years of bad eating. But one day can't undo weeks of detox, either. Right?

2010-01-22T06:29:00.000-08:00

Hi again! Sorry for the quietude, but I've been busy reading, listening to teleseminars, and concentrating on my well-being during this first week of the Six-Week Detox. I've been keeping a mini-journal on a private forum for participants, and between that and reorganizing how I use my time, I'm a bit strapped for spare moments.

So, I'm going to copy (and lightly edit) a bit from my mini-journal there.

Today I decided to make an all-liquid day. I think I may break with that and have some oranges, because my body's been craving citrus a lot lately. I sat down and ate three whole grapefruits the other day for lunch/brunch. I love grapefruit! I was surprised I felt so satiated and satisfied having just grapefruit for brunch and lunch. (I don't tend to eat anything until at least mid-morning - my gut is much happier that way!)
Last night I made a very green smoothie, low (for me) on fruit and loaded with greens and green powders - chlorella, spirulina, wheatgrass, mullein leaf (good for mucus issues), and dulse. That's what I'll be having for lunch today. I also juiced last night and froze the jar for today - one bunch carrots with their tops, one large bunch parsley, the center 1/3-1/2 of a head of romaine, and two pears. Verrrry green for me, juice wise, but the pears made it still palatable.

I can tell I'm detoxing again - I'm getting mild acne on my face. >.< But being less strict - not doing 100% raw every day - means the detox is much more gentle than it was when I did 100% raw for a full week. I am not feeling so overwhelmed and angry, either. (Hm, sounds like I need to detox some anger... gee, big surprise! NOT!)

Another thing I've been craving and eating a ton of is green olives stuffed with whole garlic cloves. They are oily, but very delicious. I don't even really like green olives, but I love garlic and I know how tremendously healthy it is. I realized I was sitting and eating the equivalent of one or two heads of garlic in one sitting, and found myself thinking, "Huh, I bet my body needs and wants all that anti-microbial goodness."
(Plus they are so tasty!)
Grapefruit is the same way, especially the seeds - an anti-microbial power-house! Huh, I guess my body is trying to tell me something.

I'm going hiking in the woods with friends tomorrow, and we'll be playing games and chasing each other too, so it's going to be my super-high exercise day for the month. (I'm usually worn out for a couple days after these monthly game days!) But I think I'm going to go bowling and/or roller-skating for fun and exercise tonight and/or Sunday too.

I've been making a version of the "Leaky Gut Repair shake" - with hemp protein, a red-superfood powder, chia seeds, coconut, a banana, and about 20 oz. water - and it is not only giving me indigestion, it's making me a little constipated. The indigestion is probably from combining the banana and hemp - and I know better, but man, the shake tastes pretty gross without the banana to sweeten it. I'm going to try my shake again with stevia instead of the banana to sweeten it. I think it is the bad food combining that is upsetting my stomach, but if it is the hemp alone, I should know soon. I hope not, though, because I bought three canisters of hemp protein powder, and I know that stuff doesn't keep forever, even frozen.

The red powder contains lots of stuff, too much to list it all here, but it's lots of high-anti-oxidant red/blue/purple foods (like pomegranate, acai, purple cabbage, berries of many sorts, etc.), detox herbs (milk thistle, tumeric, aloe, ginger, etc.), and enzymes & probiotics. I saw it at Trader Joe's and it sounded just about perfect, so I decided to give it a try.

Well, wish me luck!

Slowing down, speeding up, and committing

2010-01-13T15:51:00.000-08:00

I haven't written for a week or so, mostly due to lack of time, but also because I wasn't sure what I wanted to say next.
I stopped eating 100% raw for a few days. Emotionally, it was just really tough for me. I learned a lot being 100% raw for a week. One of the things I learned, though, was that eating 100% raw right now is much like when I did Kundalini yoga or acupuncture regularly - very good for me, but a little too much too fast. I realized it was a bit too much when, one evening after work (this was day 7, I think), I found myself storming around the house, yelling about being hungry, and then, less than ten minutes later, lying in bed crying. I said to myself, "Whoa, that was... unexpected. Um. I think I may need to have some gentle cooked food."
So I did. I felt a bit better right away - my detox symptoms eased. I decided to take a few days off and not worry about the diet.
Then over the weekend, I had the opportunity to see some friend I don't see very often, and they wanted to eat out. So not only did I eat cooked food, I ate a fair amount of wheat and dairy. Ugh. That stuff just makes me feel lousy, physically and mentally/emotionally! BLEH!

I've been eating mostly raw the last couple of days, and barring something unexpected, will have eaten 100% raw today. I'm craving oranges this week for some reason. I remember how I used to love them so much I would eat as many as I could get... which wasn't many, I'll admit. So I've been eating a couple of those each day and I think I'll get more, as my local co-op has a glut of blood oranges lately. YUM!
I think I need to prioritize other aspect of self-care and get those going as well if I am to have any hope of succeeding at a raw food diet. Health is about way more than just the food you eat.

As of today, I'm committing to a new program. As of Jan. 1, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to afford it, but the lovely ladies that run the program have negotiated a work-exchange for me for part of the fee. (Have confidence in the abundance of the universe, and what you desire will come to you!) So, as of today I'm doing The Six-Week Detox from The Raw Divas. I'm excited and scared. I've downloaded the documents I need for the first week and the overview stuff, and there's so much, I feel that it's a bit intimidating. I know that's just unhelpful fear talking, though, and I will be grateful for all the information moving forward.
========
One of the first things they said to do is answer four questions to set you intentions for the program:

QUESTION 1: What are your goals for this program. In other words at the end of 6 week program, what will have changed for you?
I will have more energy, more emotional stability, less indigestion, fewer headaches, and smoother, healthier skin.

QUESTION 2: What will you feel like when this is accomplished?
I will feel proud, pleased, and accomplished! I will feel more in tune with myself and my world, and ready to keep going. I will feel more like "myself."

QUESTION 3: On a scale of 1 to 10 , how committed are you to achieving this? (1 is not very, 10 is completely)
8. I'm kind of scared. Part of me wants to run away and say this will all just be too hard. :(

QUESTION 4: What needs to happen for it to be a 10?
I need thorough support and I need to spend some time meditating and doing some affirmations. Right now I'm scared, and my low self-esteem is making me believe I will just fail and that I don't deserve to succeed. Even though I know my husband already is supportive, I am afraid my friends will not be.
=======

Right now I'm chowing down on a big salad with raw dressing, reading up on raw food and hypothyroidism (from which I suffer), and soon I will be off to snuggle with my hubby and watch a movie on the Dalai Lama and another on natural childbirth.

Days 4 & 5

2010-01-06T13:05:00.000-08:00

I have made it 5 1/2 days at 100% raw.
This stuff is hard. But I made it... with my hubby's help again.
It's not really the food part, although that certainly takes a lot of adjusting...
The hardest part is all emotional!

I was definitely aware before that, under stress, I craved certain foods for entirely emotional reasons.

"I've had a bad day, I need some chocolate."
"I'm so tired, let's just order pizza."
"Work has been so tough this week, I want breadsticks and nacho cheese."

Now, being so deliberate in my food choices, I am finding myself realizing how MUCH I reached for food for emotional reasons. Here are some of the more subtle examples I've noticed.

"Hm, I'm so hungry, I don't have time for something complicated. Spaghetti sounds good."
"I want to relax. I'll read a book and have hot cocoa."
"I've had dinner but I'm still hungry. I'll have some gluten-free cookies, those are healthy, right?"

By themselves, spaghetti and a lot of other foods are pretty innocent. But something may be "healthy" or you may be "hungry," but that is NOT why you are eating it at all. And I did not realize before that these really were emotional cravings, habits, and addictions until now! Not only that, I did not realize how often I really truly thought I was hungry when it was just an emotional craving.

Over recent months, but strongly highlighted for me this past week, I've come to realize that what foods appeal to us - what sounds good for dinner, what we pick at a restaurant, our favorites foods - are rarely a matter of choice OR a matter of listening to what our body needs and wants. Mostly they are from

What we are used to.
Smells, tastes, and textures associated with (usually unconscious) positive memories
Addictions to things like wheat, cheese, sugar, etc.

I have tried hard for years to eat what my body was telling me it wanted me to eat, so that I could guess what I might be missing nutritionally, and make sure to get it. I realized a while ago that my cravings for sweets and salty foods were not good messages - they were addiction-inspired cravings! Now I am realizing, much to my chagrin, that though I thought I was aware of what my emotional cravings were, way more of the food I would choose is from emotional cravings than I thought! I'm pretty bowled over by it all, really. And it's overwhelming.
Honestly, I had this thought (perhaps a horrible one) that I couldn't be using food to hide from emotions, because if I was, surely I'd be eating way more sweets and I'd be much more overweight, right? I had it in my head that only *really fat* people had issues with using food as a major emotional block. And while I'm not as slim as I'd like or could be, and I have days where I feel fat, I know I'm not really fat. So I couldn't have any serious food-emotion problems... right?
I feel so dumb... it's very humbling.
And now I realize that if I was/am doing it... so are most people, probably!
I've seen Valya Boutenko call part of this the "Food Imprint." The food imprint happens when we are young. Whatever solids we are fed early on by our parents, our bodies associate with health, nutrition, and comfort. Evolutionarily speaking, this is so we learn to crave those foods that our parents - who have our best health in mind, of course - would naturally feed us. We crave foods suited to our environment and suitable to health.

Except, you know, most of us aren't getting weaned onto green smoothies and fresh ripe fruit. (With some inspiring exceptions!) In American and many other industrialized nations, we are mostly weaned onto over-processed crap.

Wow, it's just a lot for me to think about. And damn, day five was HARD. I was overtired from lack of sleep and stress and I just wanted bread and cookies, chocolate and tortilla chips...
And wheat, dairy and corn are all extra bad for me (and many people). They are some of the most common allergens out there, period. They are also in everything! (Which is why they are common allergens!) So it is hard to avoid them all and easy to crave them!

I think I'm detoxing hard. I have had a headache for a few days and intermittent nausea for three days. It is NO fun. I am debating whether I need to pull back a little and eat 90% raw for a while instead... but given all this emotional stuff I am uncovering, I want to be careful not to make that decision for the wrong reasons. I really need to listen to my body. Mostly I think my body is saying, "lay off all the fatty foods, yeesh!" I need to eat more fruit, I think.

Day 4:
~40oz green smoothie
mango
cauliflower
kombucha
chocolate mousse (this is so amazingly delicious and healthy too!)
flax crackers with nut pate
nori rolls with apple, avocado, lettuce, and raw honey (YUM!)

Day 5:
apple
~35oz. green smoothie
carrots
salad of mixed greens with sliced tomato and avocado
kombucha
herbal tea
collard wrap with carrot, zucchini, onion, avocado, kale, and portabello mushrooms

Lots of delicious food!

No matter where I go from here, I am proud of myself. Every day, every hour I stay 100% raw is another day/hour longer than I ever have before. And so even if I don't make it through a whole month at 100% raw, I've still accomplished something. I know I can eat way more raw food than I thought before!

Day 3/4, and the monetary price of raw food

2010-01-04T11:11:00.000-08:00

To start, yesterday's food intake:

Day 3:
a glass of fresh raw almond milk
a couple heaping spoonfuls of "Mock Salmon Pate" from Living on Live Food
most of a whole pineapple
more zucchini and nut "alfredo"
several flax crackers from Foods Alive with mock salmon pate
a slice of raw pie, a friend's creation
an apple

If it doesn't seem like I'm eating a ton, well... I guess I'm not. But I'm a pretty small person, so I didn't before, either - unless I was overeating, and I felt pretty awful when I stuffed myself to the gills, so I'm making a point not to do that now! But it would be awfully easy to do with those Onion Garlic flax crackers... MM!!
My husband was very helpful yesterday in getting me through the day. I hit a rough patch emotionally, and all that fresh almond milk didn't sit right with me, as I have some trouble digesting raw nuts and I forgot to take digestive enzymes beforehand to help. So I was sitting there, feeling sad and sick, and that last slice of homemade vegan gluten-free pizza looked so tempting. "It's pretty healthy, after all," I told myself. And I told this to my hubby, who said to me, "You told me you want to eat raw this whole month, and I said I will help you. I will go make you whatever raw dish you want, and I will support you and prepare food for you all month, if you DON'T eat that pizza."
And so I rested, let the nausea pass, and then I pigged out on a whole pineapple my sweetie cut up for me, because that's what I felt like eating. ;)
And my hubby is going to finish that pizza so it stops tempting me every time I open the fridge!

One of the criticisms of the raw food diet is that it is expensive, especially if you go for all organic produce, which is the best way to do it. (I do feel that healthy eating is often out of reach for the poor, but I do think there are many reasons for that, and that is a topic for another post.) I have found that the initial, upfront investments can be pricy, but only as much as you want them to be. I recently acquired a Vita-Mix and a dehydrator, which are pretty big monetary investments, but they are also more-or-less frills that help make the raw diet more interesting. As for myself, I want to do this raw thing 100% of the time (at least for now) and learn to make a lot of gourmet dishes, both so that it is easier for me emotionally at first and also so that I can make really attractive and delicious dishes to share with friends and family. Hence the investment. But eating raw doesn't require special equipment (you don't even need a stove, microwave, or cookware!) or a lot of money. Eating more raw food can be as simple as allowing yourself to eat your favorite fruit to your heart's content.
Emotionally, I had to get past that myself. When I was little, fresh fruit and veggies were a special snack, not an every-meal food, so mentally I've had to get past the idea that one apple a day is all I can have, or eating an entire 8-oz box of strawberries in one sitting is selfish, and other ideas like that.
Anyway, today I did the week's grocery shopping, equipped with my list of everything I will need for this week's planned meals. I also picked up some goodies - like the organic mango I'm munching on right now and some Synergy GT's Raw Kombucha - for lunch. My total was under $32. Now, I will still need more greens (less than $10 worth) later this week, and I have some of the staples, like spices, almond butter, and that sort of thing at home already, so if you were starting with a bare cupboard, one week would cost more, but most people aren't starting from nothing. You can transition - when you run out of Jiffy creamy PB, buy a jar of organic raw almond butter instead. The price is higher, but the flavor is really amazing!

How much are you spending on groceries this week? Why not considering skipping the ice cream or crackers this week and buying some fresh fruit or almond butter instead? Yum! For those of us who are not chronically poor or disadvantaged, what we buy at the supermarket is more an issue of priorities than it is of having food at all or not. What are your priorities?

100% Raw, day two

2010-01-02T21:26:00.000-08:00

Oof! I have been a busy bee these past couple of days. We got a new (enormous!) TV as a Christmas gift, and since we had no place to put it, I took it not only to mean that we would have to figure out a new piece of furniture, but also as the domino I needed to get a ton of cleaning and rearranging done in the house. I put my hubby (on mandatory vacation this week) to work cleaning, and yesterday and today I've been hard at work myself. The transformation is really something! It's also given me something to keep my mind on besides food, which is on my mind a lot lately. Since I don't have the space to get bored, I'm not munching mindlessly, either, which is very good! Eating 100% raw, even at home, has been harder than I thought, not so much in terms of the actual eating... The biggest problem seems to be emotion-related cravings. They are powerful! My ego keeps getting in the way, trying to keep me fearful. Whenever you are reluctant to change, that's usually your ego, trying to maintain control - AKA the status quo. And the ego is wily and fights dirty! I keep catching my mind trying to play tricks on me - and so far, I'm not buying it!
Part of the issue is that I had all sorts of healthy, cooked leftovers sitting around from a few days ago, and I really, really hate seeing food wasted. At all. I have been known on many occasions to stuff myself sick rather than see food thrown away - even if it is not very good food. Emotionally, I can't stand waste, especially of good food.
Fortunately, I have both a husband and a roommate who are less, shall we say, selective about their food choices than I am, so I don't have to see delicious, mostly-healthy cooked foods go to waste. Given my hatred of food-wasting, it would surely and sorely tempt me to eat the food just to make sure it is not wasted!

Here's what I've been eating the last couple of days:

Day 1:
2 big glasses green smoothie
chunks of pineapple
broccoli and cauliflower pieces with Kristen's (of Kristen's Raw) Cheezy hemp nacho sauce
Berry/nut soup (from Alissa Cohen's Living on Live Food - a fantastic book!)
zucchini noodles with nut-based alfredo (also from Living on Live Food)
Kristen's Holiday Chia Pudding

Day 2:
fresh juice - carrot, apple, parsley, and carrot greens
banana
2 1/2 glasses green smoothie
raw chocolate mousse (ridiculously easy and so amazingly delicious)
bowl of Go Raw chocolate granola

I love my green smoothies! I start with a banana or two, a handful of greens, and some water, and then add whatever other fruit I feel like that day such as blueberries, and usually some chlorella for good measure. I make about 40-50 oz at once and can easily drink the whole thing. They are delicious, nutritious, and filling. The bananas make it all sweet and somewhat creamy.
For more info on green smoothies, check out Green for Life, the book that brought green smoothies to the world. I have been drinking these for months, and if there is only one suggestion I would take to the masses from the raw foods movement, it would be green smoothies!

Don't just survive... Thrive!

2009-12-30T12:59:00.000-08:00

I realize it's been quite a while since my last post. The truth is, I've had quite a lot of big, big stuff on my mind. I've done a good bit of writing in my person, paper journal, but I have been doing a lot of reading.
As you can see from the sidebar, the number of blogs I'm reading regularly has shot up. Probably too many, especially when you add in things like Facebook, Twitter, and LiveJournal, all of which I am still (theoretically) reading too, but only on occasion. Mostly, I am reading a lot of raw foods, sustainability, and crafting blogs, as that is where my mind is focused lately - internally, but looking to others for inspiration and ideas.

I have decided to go 100% raw on Jan. 1.

I have been adding more raw foods to my diet over the last six months and have seen some good results. My skin does better when I am eating a good mix of raw foods. Cooked food gives me headaches and brain-fog. Also, when I eat raw, I feel light, energized, happy, and optimistic. When I eat cooked food, I find myself becoming lethargic, pessimistic, listless, bored, and depressed. I can see this effect within a couple hours (or less) of eating.

I envision the person I want to be, the person I think I am inside the fatigue, headaches, eczema, depression, poor concentration, aches and pains, breathing trouble, etc.... And that person is healthy, happy, full of energy and love, and aglow with life. Everything I read about eating a raw vegan diet leads me to believe that this diet can help me manifest the life I want. My experience with eating more raw foods in my diet has been almost uniformly good. The only problem I have run into is how easy it is to pig out on rich, delicious raw desserts, and my digestion is too weak to handle that much fat at once. I now realize I need to take systemic enzymes before consuming rich dishes like that!

My cravings for greens, mentioned in an earlier post, comes and goes, but the healthier I eat, the more I find I want healthy food.
As an example:
Mexican food was a staple growing up with my family. I have many positive memories of it as it is one of my parents' favorite kinds of foods and eating out was about the only time we all ate together, so Mexican food is comforting to me. So, the other night, I went out for Mexican food. I had been craving it intensely and I thought it would be a good thing to satiate before jumping into raw foods so that I wouldn't keep thinking about it.
And... it was really disappointing.
All that thick cheese, heavy beans, corn... ugh. It didn't taste as good as I remember, and it made me feel heavy, sluggish, and achey before I was even done eating. But someone else's unwanted side of guacamole and lettuce? My mouth watered just looking at it, and I ate as much as I could scavenge from around the disgusting pile of sour cream. Yum. It was far from the best guac I've ever had, but it was what I wanted.

So, I've decided to give 100% raw a try. I have a one-month meal plan, a ton of recipes, and lots of books and blogs to keep me inspired. I figure I can do one month and see how I feel and what I want to do from there.
There are so many reasons I want to do this. My health is the primary one, but there are so many others... I want to be happy, and I want to be the best person I can be, not just for myself, but for every member of my family and friends, present and future. I want to be someone I can be proud of and that my family and friends can be proud of. That means taking the best possible care of my health that I can. I am done just surviving, just slogging through the work day to go home and flop down exhausted. I'm tired of going through things either half-asleep or so preoccupied I wonder where each month, each year has gone.
I want to be fully ALIVE. I want to THRIVE.

Love,

Kasi

Life will break you...

2009-11-24T11:25:00.000-08:00

"Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could."

-Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum

This is kind of my life philosophy... Every time life breaks me a little more, it is harder to remember. But that is why we are here.

Self-sufficiency video

2009-11-06T13:31:00.000-08:00

This is so inspiring!

I've had no time to write lately as I'm throwing myself into fall garden work, reading, and increasing exercise. Things are, largely, going well. :)

A poignant bit from the Post Secret project

2009-10-22T13:45:00.000-07:00

I saw this by way of a blog post from Meghan Tepner, and though the whole post is good, her repost of a picture from the Post Secret project really got me, as in it is truth for me too.

I'm afraid.

I have a lot of fear and rage inside.

It is so hard to grow through and past. But I am working on it. Ouch! It's very painful at times, because it means I must uncover wounds I did not even realize were there in order to heal them.

But I'm tired of hurting. I must have faith and intention that I cannot help but be happy and healed. I am afraid I won't be happy even if I am physically well, but now I acknowledge that is my ego trying to cling to its current identity of illness and pain. I am afraid because I'm not sure who I would be if I were to be fully, radiantly healthy. But I would still be me. Illness does not define me. Neither does my job, my house, my friendships, my hobbies, my favorite foods. I will be free of the ego and it's clawing control of my life, my food choices, my emotions, habits, and fears. I will. No, I AM free of the ego! I am free and radiantly healthy! It is inside me right now, and I will reveal it to the world in time.

Love,

Kasi

Cure for Diabetes

2009-10-15T11:38:00.000-07:00

Two posts in one day? Crazy, you say!

A Solution For Diabetes: A Plant-Based Diet

"I’ve been researching the most common and devastating diseases Americans are dealing with, with the aim of finding a common thread running throughout both cause and reversal. As it is now, one out of every two of us will get cancer or heart disease, and one out of every three children born after the year 2000 will be diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. These are devastating diseases, certainly to those who are burdened by them, but also to a health care system that is struggling to keep up.
The extraordinary doctors and nutritional scientists I’ve talked with seem to be saying – and saying fervently – the same thing: a diet high in animal protein is disastrous to our health, while a plant-based (vegan) diet prevents disease and is restorative to our health."

I have been vegetarian for 9 years now. I discovered I am lactose intolerant several years ago. Almost two years ago, I researched the vegan diet and nutrition, tried it for a while, and then decided it was not right for me at that time. Since then I have been continuously improving my diet.
I think the tack that many vegans take of trying to convert people via guilt trip over the suffering of animals is not only not very helpful, it has been very detrimental to the cause. While the suffering of the animals is a very valid concern, some people don't care much about the topic. Many individuals respond to being told what to do by vehemently doing the opposite. But what if it is presented in a different light, as a lifestyle full of yummy food that makes you feel good?
Above all, I believe in paying attention to how your body responds to different foods and learning to listen carefully to our body's messages. Very few people do this any more, but it is such a very valuable skill for living a long, happy, healthy life.

Still craving greens!

2009-10-15T08:46:00.000-07:00

I am still craving greens! I can't get over this, it's weird. Tuesday and Wednesday I had salad for lunch AND a green smoothie once I got home, and I want more!

A couple weeks ago I sat in a Wendy's as a couple friends were eating. Since we were there and I was hungry and craving salt, I decided to get french fries. As I sat and looked around, I had the sudden, terrible revelation that I was surrounded by death. From the greasy french fries we shared and the chicken nuggets and burgers they ate that came from tortured animals raised in unsanitary factories, to the tons of plastic for windows, seats, ads, trash cans and the disposable, single-serving everything, to the overweight customers killing themselves with so-called "food"... Death. There was death everywhere. It was like one of those movies where suddenly the character realizes that it's all an illusion and suddenly sees the broken lights, rotten wood, and sunken skull-like faces behind everything and every face around them that looked so bright and normal a second ago.
I asked myself, then, what if I decided to make choices that affirmed life, in every decision I made? What food I eat, whether or not to buy something, what materials to use in my garden and house, even what hobbies I have and how I spend my time.
What if, every day, when faced with a decision I asked myself the simple question, "Is this life-affirming?"
And if the answer is no, then don't buy/eat/do that.
Choose the most life-affirming option in every decision you make.

I don't think it's a coincidence that my cravings for wheat products have dropped dramatically recently. I look at them and think, "My cravings are just a manifestation of emotional need - I should deal with the source, not the symptoms" and "This isn't nuturing to me, it will hurt me. Do I really want to eat something that will leave me hurting for far longer than it would give me pleasure?"

I am tackling the great (and difficult) emotional work and realizing that there is no wonder I was failing to improve my health the whole time.
-I could not access or make progress on locked-up emotional problems without moving and exercising my body.
-I could not exercise without tools and support in place to deal with the intense emotions released.
-I could not eat healthily because of emotional needs connected to food.
-I could not feel stable and happy emotionally because I ate food almost every day that made me subtly sick and ill.
-I could not exercise without pain when my body was full of toxins from bad foods.
-I did not have the energy for exercise when eating unhealthy foods, and without the invigoration of exercise, I had no energy to take the time to prepare healthy foods.

Every problem fed into one another. Buddhists have a word for this that translates approximately as the "interdependent co-arising" of phenomena.
It seemed so helpless, so pointless, doing little things when each little thing does so little toward improving the big picture of my health. But it's all connected through feedback loops, so a little healthier food means better emotional processing and more energy; more energy for exercise means less joint pain and sounder sleep; therapy for emotional issues gives the strength to make healthier food choices... etc. I have so far to go but after this long the progress I am seeing feels so wonderful!
And hard! Wow, this is exhilerating but also hard work! I am so grateful for all the ways I am blessed - especially, this week, all the loving support I am receiving from my husband.

Until next time, love and light,
Kasi

Physical update

2009-10-13T11:08:00.000-07:00

I had hoped to get the initial inventories for all area out of the way to start with, but that would be rather organized of me, and, well, life happens. I feel it's time for a physical status update.

Physically speaking, I haven't been feeling all that well for the past three weeks. I've had a lot of headaches. I had migraines multiples times last week, and those were NO FUN! But I know the trigger - menstration triggers migraines for me often, and wheat triggers sinus headaches and occasionally even migraines. So I really, really need to be more diligent about cutting out wheat and gluten - no matter how much I am craving it. I am addicted to this terrible "food." I wouldn't even call it food - food nourishes the body, and gluten is like a poison to my body. Therefore, wheat bread, pasta, etc. are NOT FOOD for me! I need to stop thinking of them as food.

On a happy note, I noticed today I am really craving GREENS for the first time in my life. I'm not sure why this is, but it makes me happy. Usually my cravings are for things I KNOW are terrible for me and the craving are a result of stress, anxiety, or addition. But greens? I have hated salad so much in the past, the idea that I would CRAVE GREENS seems so strange! I thought it might happen if I drank a lot of green smoothies and got really used to consuming a lot of greens daily, but I've only been having green smoothies occasionally at best. But today I really wanted a salad, with the enthusiasm I usually reserve for chocolate and a number of terribly-unhealthy snacks, like garlic bread, pizza, ice cream, etc. I had some less strong greens cravings over the last week, too. This is really rather exciting - it means my body is learning to tell me what I need nutritionally, instead of just emotionally, and that is a skill I have been working on for a long time now with only limited success.

Let's see... I found that the shoulder/arm/back pain I have been experiencing for many years is most likely due to poor lymph circulation/drainage. So I have been skin brushing (said to improve lymph circulation, and it definitely energizes me!) and recently purchased a high-quality rebounder as well. I will be getting more exercise that way, and bouncing on a rebounder is supposed to improve immune system and especially lymph circulation/drainage.
Why is my lymphatic system messed up? I'm not entirely sure. I think a big part of it must be the lack of exercise I've had in recent years to keep the lymphatic system circulating. The lymphatic system is so important. It cleans and carries toxins from your tissues to your liver for removal from the body. However, there's no pump for the lymphatic system - you have to move your body in order to get your lymph moving. I have not had a regular exercise routine in over 4 years. But this pain preceded that, so I think there must be more to it. Massage helps, but only temporarily. I think that may be because it gets the lymph moving again.

Also, we put up mirrors in the living room and I have purchased a portable DVD player, so now I have the space and equipment to use all my dance DVDs. I love to dance so very much, but I need a bit more regimented plan if I am going to get in better shape and challenge myself physically.

Additionally, I've gone off hormonal birth control. I really, really needed to stop after years of being on it constantly. I think it has messed up my hormonal self-balance and may be responsible for the migraines. I need to let my body clear this out and learn to self-regulate again. I don't think hormonal birth control is an ideal long-term solution. Short-term it is great, but if you are looking at more than a couple years, it's much, much cheaper and less hassle to get an IUD. If I had to do it all over again, I would have gotten an IUD many years ago, to start with, and saved myself thousands of dollars in prescription costs, not to mention the physical benefits.
I will, however, miss the predictability and control of when I had my period and for how long. Alas. I'll have to go back to being surprised. Life is full of surprises. I wish we would stop thinking of surprises as always bad. I guess that means I should start with accepting them myself. :)

Love and light,
Kasi

Mental & Emotional Inventory

2009-10-05T07:59:00.000-07:00

There are some ways in which they are separate, but Mental and Emotional health overlap in so many ways, I will often be lumping them together, today included.
Mentally/intellectually, I'm a pretty smart person, and always have been. It was a key part of my identity growing up - I was the really smart kid, and didn't have a hard time with any subject at school. I think that was at least as much to do with the way the school system was structured and my ability to figure out what adults (teachers) wanted as it was to do with me really being smarter than my peers. I think it's terribly sad that so many very smart children are indoctrinated by the school system to equate learning with suffering and themselves with stupidity. But that, my friends, is another rant entirely.
Intellectual challenges are important to me. It is vitally important to me that I continue to learn and grow throughout life. As I've said before, without change, life gets stagnant.
Mentally, my ability to think clearly, concentrate, reason, and understand and solve problems quickly deteriorated in college. I'm not sure why, but I'm certain it had to do with poor diet, lack of sleep, and emotionally abusive relationships, as well of years of poor-self care catching up with me. I sometimes joke that I got stupider in college... and it's only half a joke. I miss that sense of mental clarity and alertness, as I rarely feel it fully any more. I don't feel all that smart, anymore.
Ideally, mentally, I'd have a quickness of thought, clarity of mind, and ability to reason clearly and rapidly, without the dragging hangups I developed late in my teens. I miss math. I want to practice and love math again. I want to do higher math for fun. I want to tutor/teach HS kids (and adults) in math up through calculus, and be able to instill in them the understanding and sense of fun and amazement I used to have for the subject. Learning can be so exciting and fun. Unfortunately, our public school systems have a tendency to suck all the excitement and fun right out of learning.
Many, many years ago I realized the important of applying one's mental abilities to understanding, interpreting, and controlling emotions. Our emotions are affected by so many things - even more so if one is, like myself, a particularly empathetic person, open to the influences of others' emotions. Diet, sleep, exercise, addictions (to anything, including foods) and unconscious cues (such as smells or sounds that call up remembered emotions) can all cause emotions in us. Without practicing self-awareness and making mental connections, we can act on emotions without realizing we are just feeling that way because we are tired, our blood sugar is low, a song has triggered a painful memory, etc.
Emotionally, I have dealt with depression off and on my entire life. There have been times when it has been very dark, but the majority of the time it is more subtle, and I have had to learn to pay attention to my body's cues and what triggers I am susceptible to. I am pretty good at handling depression on a daily basis, but occasional bouts of a deeper depression require outside support. Luckily, I have a strong support network in my friends and family. I cannot overstate how important this is. But even more important is a belief in and love for YOURSELF.
I'm currently in therapy and quite pleased with my therapist. I've had a few before and decent ones are hard to find. I'm finding this one is responsive when we run into stylistic differences and willing to customize to what I need. She is what a therapist should be - a facilitator, not a boss or advice-giver. She is really helping me work through some of the deeper, more hidden psychological issues I didn't even know I had, and it is really good. It's also very different than previous therapy that I've had. I'm up in my head so much of the time that I haven't been able to do much with the deeper emotional level, but she's got me doing some gut-level work too, from time to time, which is very helpful. I am a firm believer that the right match in a therapist can do much for your mental and emotional health, even if you feel you are "healthy" already, and I would encourage everyone to consider seeing a therapist to talk about any issues, even small ones, that stand between you and radiant joy. Becoming aware of your emotions, becoming mindful of them, allows you to begin to unravel conditioning that affects your life in both daily and in large ways.
Ideally, I would have clarity regarding my emotions and triggers and I would be able to understand the true source of the emotion and respond accordingly, with intention and mindfulness. I would no longer be subject to the whims of chemical imbalance (body is tired, have a migraine, ate something allergenic) but would be aware of them, minimize them, and act with this knowledge in mind. For example, I feel an emotion of irritation with my husband. I could a) snap at him and call him out on some slight, telling him how he messed up and needs to apologize, or I could b) realize the snack I had an hour ago gave me a migraine and my body is aching from not being able to handle the food, making me tense and causing me some pain, and therefore the emotion is physically based and the physical discomfort will pass - nothing has actually occurred worth yelling about.
Furthermore, ideally I would not be subject to react based on previous conditioning or unfulfilled unconscious needs, as I would have worked through and be aware of that conditioning and those needs and could work on de-conditioning and seeking healthy, conscious fulfillment (or release) of my needs. Therapy is super-useful at this, but so is any deep mindfulness such as meditation, yoga, etc.
We as individuals and as a society (and as the whole world!) would be so much happier if each of us took upon ourselves the responsibility to be fully mindful of our actions, words, and even thoughts. We shape our reality with the way we think about it, so true mindfulness starts within, with the observation and constructive reshaping of our thoughts. We can change our lives by changing the way we think. For more on this exhilarating and empowering concept, check out the works of Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, and Deepak Chopra.

Anyway, I think that's a pretty good starting point for my mental/emotional inventory. More to come as I process it.

What is the purpose of this blog? Plus, physical inventory

2009-09-28T12:02:00.000-07:00

Given my intentions, outlined in my last post, you may be wondering what purpose this blog can serve toward those ends. Mainly, I intend to use this blog to help me keep track of changes and progress (or regress, I suppose) and to keep me focused. It will also allow me a place to form and write ideas, so crucial to growth. This is my self, watching.

So, it seems to me that taking an inventory of where I am currently and a direction I'd like to go seems like a good idea.

Physical situations are the easiest to put into words, so let's start there.
Physically, I am far from perfect health. I am out of shape and have not had a regular exercise regimen in over 4 years. I don't get enough sleep and I handle stress much more poorly than I would like. I am addicted (yes, addicted - addiction to food is a topic for another post, though) to a number of foods that I am well aware, intellectually, are unhealthy for me, such as products made from wheat/other gluten-containing grains, corn, dairy, etc., and chocolate. These foods in turn hurt my body's ability to maintain balance and health. I suffer from headaches, allergies - which manifest in many forms, including itchy, painful eczema that comes and goes in varies places on my body - joint pain, poor concentration, lack of energy, ennui, physical depression, indigestion, nausea, reoccurring infections, bladder pain, and to top it off - hypothyroidism. I am slightly overweight, with no stamina and occasional difficulty breathing, and my skin and hair do not have the luster I remember them once having. All of these are symptoms of a body that is overtaxed and undernourished.

What would my vision of myself as truly healthy look like? This is an ideal collage project - I suggest you try it!
-I would have radiant skin, smooth, springy and full of moisture and life. My hair and nails would have natural shine to them and be far less prone to breaking and peeling.
-I would have abundant energy to do many activities, and feel tired only when deserved, as after a long hike, or at the end of the day.
-I would have little trouble staying focused on a project - at work or a personal pursuit - for long periods of time.
-I would be able to run without stopping or feeling horribly fatigued and out of breath after a short period of time.
-I would have no joint pain.
-I would no longer have headaches from allergies, food, fatigue, or poor posture or eye strain.
-I would have comfortable, light-feeling digestion with no nausea/indigestion and healthy, regular, easy bowel movements.
-I would not feel like I depend on food for satisfaction or comfort (this is getting into emotional areas!) and would eat truly nutritious meals and snacks every day, even eating out.

Essentially, Healthy Me would have a ton of energy and look and feel great!
Gosh, that sounds nice, doesn't it? But so, so far from where I am! Ah, how will I get there??

Well, really, I believe it is so much simpler than most people think. In my mind, there are really only four steps:
1) Increase intake of nourishing foods in your diet.
2) Decrease intake of foods not nourishing to you.
3) Move your body, in many ways and often.
4) Cleanse old toxins and build-up out of your body.

You'll notice nothing about calories, specific foods, exercise quotients, or anything like that in there. That is because our needs and abilities change and when we set strict numbers, it's easy to sabotage ourselves. And our progress is never linear, so we can't say "Always do better than the week before!" The best we can say is, "Keep going!" If we waste too much time thinking and focusing about our failures, we don't devote time and energy to SUCCEEDING! So stay focused on improving, not on getting to a specific goal. Only chose specific goals if they help serve YOU... you are not and should not be a slave to an arbitrary goal! Sure, I would love to lose 10-20 pounds, but I'd much rather be radiantly healthy and energetic, whatever my weight, so I'll take or leave the weight loss!

Alright, that's a good starting point for the physical inventory. I'd like to get some hard numbers to look at, too, namely my current weight and body fat percentage and possibly some other numbers, such as how many push-ups I can do and how long I can run without stopping. Possibly some pictures of my current physical state. These will give me a baseline so I can assess my progress in a more concrete way, to keep me going, and to remind me of some of the things I'd like to improve going forward.

Emotional/Mental/Spiritual inventories and goals to come!

What is my intention for this blog?

2009-09-24T10:06:00.000-07:00

Have discussed intention and what it means, I hope I've made it clear that I think deciding on a clear intention for any project before you start is crucial to that project's success.
In that light, I want to write on my intention for this blog. I believe that the intention/purpose of this blog will change and grow as I do. Let's look today at what I want to accomplish with my life; later we can look at how this blog can help. I'll start with the sub-header for the blog, since it is a summary of what I have in mind going forward.

"On a Journey" - I am on a journey called life. Cliche, perhaps, but true, and oddly enough, a hard concept to remember. Like many people I have long been obsessed with the end goal rather than the process. The process and the journey are the point. What's the end goal of life, anyway? Not the end of life, generally speaking. No, generally our goals for life involve things we do while living! But we also tend to put those things off in some vague future, i.e. "Someday I will travel to Japan," "One of these days I'll get back to exercising regularly," "Once I find a good tutor, I'll learn a new language..." etc. The problem with putting these things in the future is that, well, the future never comes! You don't live in the future! You live in the present. You can plan for the future, but you can't do anything in it. Eventually those future plans have to happen in a Now for them to happen at all. If they stay in the future, they will never happen. So it is important to remember to do what you can NOW to achieve your goals. Planning is important, but without doing, your journey is going to be awfully boring.

"Adventures through physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual growth;" - Adventures! It's important to remember that, no matter what, life is an adventure. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down, but it's interesting! And life is all about growth and change. Let's break this clause down a little more:

-Physical: I've suffered from a number of minor chronic ailments over the last several years, including headaches, fatigue, joint pain, depression, lethargy, allergies, eczema, migraines, muscle aches, etc. A couple of years ago I committed to learning and trying new things in an effort to improve my health, and I've learned a number of things. For example, I found I have a number of allergens I'm exposed to almost daily, hence the headaches and eczema, and I am trying to reduce exposure to them. I also found out I have hypothyroidism, and getting on supplemental thyroid hormones has helped tremendously with the fatigue/lethargy & depression. I can't tell you how amazing it is to have the energy to do things other than SLEEP again! But this is definitely an ongoing issue and a journey I'm still on. My physical health is, shall we say, less than radiant.

-Mental: I believe in life-long learning. I like to learn from other people but I LOVE reading books. So I'll probably be talking about some of the books I read in this blog. I like anything that gives me more to think about. I like expanding my mental landscape... but like all growth, boy, this can be hard sometimes. It's not easy to have ideas you believe in challenged. Just remember, those established ideas were new once too. New ideas may be good for you too.

-Emotional: This can be one of the easiest areas to sideline or underestimate, but it is very crucial as it determines how much you are ENJOYING this adventure called life. Additionally, without working on emotional healing and growth, you can't progress in others. When you ignore this area, other areas of your health, including physical, can and will suffer. Above all, the most important thing to do for emotional health is to be honest with yourself about your feelings. From there, you can determine how to handle them. Be honest with others about how you feel. Keep a journal. See a therapist. Mediate and practice detachment. There's a lot of ways to grow, and recently I had the universe give my self-righteous self a big smack. Universe said, "Hey! Stop assuming you know everything about how you work! Here, look at THIS! Bet you didn't see THAT coming." Oh. Gee. Whoa. Yeah, this isn't always fun or easy, either. Ow.

-Spiritual: I believe that humans are inherently spiritual beings. I also believe there is a huge difference between spirituality and religion. I'm not a fan of organized religion. The moment you try to organize spiritual teachings and make a religion out of it, you get people who use that religion for their own purposes or misunderstand it and hurt themselves and others. Religion is a way of organizing and controlling people. Now, it can also be used positively, as a means to help people connect, build community, and remind them of something more important, but the moment the dogma of what's right and what's wrong enters the picture, I want none of it. Yes, there is such a thing as ethics, and I think our spiritual sense is part of how we discern what is right and wrong. I believe we should discern the truth for ourselves rather than accept what another human being (even one who wrote a holy book) says is right or wrong. Anyway, my spiritual life has been on the back burner for a while now, and I think it's about time I started giving it a good, long look and figuring out what it is I really believe and feel is true and what works for me.

"through intentional food choice, reading, gardening, yoga & meditation, my furry little cat-children, fibercrafts, and random strokes of insight;" - I believe everything we do has the possibility to help us grow. I believe the food we choose to eat is more vital to who we are than most would believe and so I believe in showing intention in how we choose our food, rather than habit, cravings, the food pyramid, what's on sale that week, etc. I am (mostly) vegetarian/vegan for this reason as I believe such a diet is much healthier for human beings. Reading, as I mentioned before, is an important way to learn more about the world and yourself. I love gardening - it is an important part of my life and I see it tieing into all aspects of health. Yoga and meditation are proven to be excellent for physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health and allow one to practice mindfulness and intention actively. I am also a mother of 6 little cat-children (my cats are like children to me) and find that my ever-changing relationship with them always challenges me to think differently. I am also a fiber-crafts enthusiast and find that it improves my dexterity physically, challenges me mentally, connects me to others emotionally, and give me quiet and peace to be spiritual. These are just a few, dominant aspects of my life currently, and as such, I'm open to whatever strokes of insight the universe has to offer... even if they leave me feeling a little raw!

"With the goal of health, joy, and radiance of being." - This isn't really an "end goal." Like I said, it's about the journey, not the end, so I'm hoping to find health, joy, and radiance of being along my journey and keep them as much as I can throughout my life. I know they will come and go, but that is what I want. And who doesn't want health, joy, and radiance of being?

So, you may be asking, how is a blog supposed to help accomplish all of that? Well, that is for a later post.

For now, go about your day and remember to love for no reason. "The heart has reasons that reason does not know."

Get back up and keep on dancing

2009-09-23T10:13:00.000-07:00

I hoped to write more of my own thoughts before resorting to posting links to other blogs, but one of Diane Sylvan's recent posts is just too apt.

The Beauty of 52nd Chances

Love,

Kasi

What is intention?

2009-09-22T11:56:00.000-07:00

One of the most important concepts I've had the pleasure of learning more about in the last year is that of "intention." Regardless of what we say or what we plan, if the full weight of intention is not there, if we hold back in any way, we cannot succeed. If we make a resolution to achieve a goal, assuming it is a reasonable goal, there are two ways it could go:
-We say we will do it, but we don't believe we will succeed, we aren't willing to do the really hard work, and/or we believe we aren't worthy and sabotage ourselves. Because our full believe and will are not behind the statement, we fail. And then we get the perverse right to belittle ourselves even more (which, for anyone with chronic body image/self-esteem/depression issues, can be quite the addictive cycle).
-We say we will do, and we KNOW we will do it. When it gets hard, we say, "Well, we are going to do this one way or another, and hard work is necessary for growth, so let's buckle down and DO this!" We may get discouraged, but we never give up. We believe we are worthy of success. We believe in ourselves!

Intention is about believing in and OWNING your own success, before it ever happens. Without the full weight of intention, we give up before we have even started. How can we help but fail when we set resolutions that inside, we do not believe or want to keep? We just say we will really try, and then when we fail, we have the cop-out of saying, "Well, I really tried, and I failed, so obviously I'm a loser/I'm too lazy/the world is out to get me/God(dess) hates me..." and so forth.

And that realization - that it is YOUR responsibility, your life, your success or failure - that is so hard to fully own. Your "lack of willpower," "laziness," etc. is an excuse, a falsehood preventing you from dealing with painful truths - or perhaps it is simply comfortable, a habit. But if you wish to grow, you have to be willing to face tough truths, you have to be willing to feel some pain. You will sometimes feel worn raw, like a skinned knee you can't see, but you learned as a child that skinned knees heal, and so do all wounds, eventually, even if they leave us changed. Pain passes; let it wash over you, be present to it instead of resisting it, and then the growth you so desperately need will come more easily. That growth is going to come whether you resist or not, so why make it harder? Not everything you need in life is easy or enjoyable or even what you want!

Put your full intention behind your decisions, and you can move mountains!

Why "Raw Growth"?

2009-09-21T13:47:00.001-07:00

"Raw" and "Growth" both have a lot of connotations and a lot of meaning for me.

-There's raw as in raw food, which by my blogs followed is clearly an interest of mine. I have found integrating more raw fruits, veggies, and nuts into my diet helps with some of my many minor, chronic ailments, such as allergies, fatigue, headaches, and indigestion.
-Raw can also be used to describe emotions and feelings at a very primal, intense level
-Raw is the way we feel when a painful truth about ourselves has been revealed. Ouch! But it's also the only way to grow...

Stasis is death. As they say, the only constant in life is change... Without growth, we stagnate. And isn't stagnation boring? Therefore, one of my life goals is constant growth, progress, and change, even when it is hard... even when it leaves you feeling raw and tender. So let us tend to ourselves and to those beings around us so that we may all grow - together.